Sunday, December 27, 2009
As you can see from the above, it's only got 2 possible nominees, and that's because they are the only two possible winners. This one is very close in my eyes. So talk me out of this (but try to be nicer then Josh about the match of the year thing. That was just hostile.)
#2- Sean Stevens- Yeah he beat frigging everyone, retired JA and Westscott, sent Rocko Daymon into a career tailspin and made me just thrilled to even lose to the guy. He was in 3 of my 4 match of the year nominations and besides all that, held the EPW World Title the whole year. Heck writing all this makes me want to change my pick. Well too late now.
#1- Anthology- They dominated the main event of EPW...From Agg 44 to agg 49 every card has had Anthology in the main event. If you were not in Anthology, you were fighting Anthology. They held the IC Title for most of the year and same with the tag belts and had Copycat nearly win the TV Title...Anthology spawned HOPE as a force to fight against it. They crushed TEAM so the finals never came out...Oh wait they didn't do that? Oh well...In the end the Anthology engine of evil was to great for "Triple X" not to join it, so they get my vote, even if it might be the only one.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
For a 'break out' star, I mean somebody who's not in the main event currently who I can see being in the main event in 2010. They might have main evented a time or two already, but they have the ability to break out and really main event in 2010.
(Note: I feel Jared Wells and Anarky already main eventers due to what's happened in EPW in their time here, Don't hit me Barry and Josh!)
#4 Copycat- Garth's a great Rp'er and Copycat is a great character. With Anthology's backing I can see Copycat moving up the ranks. For me I wish he'd be a bit more of a monster heel then a ego heel, I know he's the Smartest Player In The Game, but the dude is 6'4" and 280. He's Sheamus sized, he should be kicking ass like Sheamus.
#3 Fusenshoff- I'd most likely move him up to #2 if it wasn't for the fact that he's caught in the crossfire of the HOPE/Anthology conflict...I enjoyed Rp'ing with him for our tag match and I like Fuse a lot, once this storyline blows off, Fuse is primed to pick up the pieces from the wreckage.
#2 Sean Edmunds- Edmunds the handler has really come on strong as of late, and he has Anthology's backing. If Sean keeps up the level of work he's had on the last two shows I can see him being a threat to contend for any belt he wants in 2010.
#1 Layne Winters- Billy's busted his ass with Layne and it shows. When I was reading all his backstory Rp's before our First/Stevens match, I was just blown away by how dark a character Winters is. He's really the horrible underbelly of wrestling given form in E-Fedding. I feel like 2010 will be a big year for Winters, between the HOPE angle and Winters own personal demons of having to 'beat the clock' before his body gives out, I expect big things from him.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
With the year ending, I figured I'd give out my awards for EPW, starting with match of the year, I'll have a poll up for this, so ya'll can tell me how right/wrong I am about things.
So I put my 4 match of the year nominees up for your votes, and here's where I rank them.
#4 Sean Stevens Vs JA Vs Rocko Daymon: This is #4 for me because the build up for it was rushed, literally put together at the end of the last Aggression before Wrestleverse III, and the Rp was only 1 promo apiece from all three parties, and in the end, JA retired after the match and Rocko went on a downward spiral, so really only Stevens got a long term boost from the match. Still it was as good a match as I've written and did establish Stevens as the man in EPW, so it's on the list.
#3 Layne Winters Vs Copycat: Good Rp (For the time, which was during the horrible period when the forums kept crashing) built up by the match on the card before, and a great read from Straw, just a classic match, if this had been for the World Title instead of the TV Title, this would have been match of the year for me. Copycat didn't suffer for coming up short and Winters is positioned as a break out star in EPW.
#2 Sean Stevens Vs Marcus Westscott: Again great Rp while the forums were wacky, and a Straw epic that was on par with the ladder match at #3. This one truly cemented Stevens as a juggernaught, and was a fitting end to Westscott's run in EPW. This would be #1 if not for the fact that Westscott's build into this match got screwed up by Miles and Ice Tre vanishing and for the fact that Westscott retired.
#1 Sean Stevens Vs The First: "Oh You WHORE you!" was Billy's reply when I told him my rankings. And well, I did write this match, and my guy was in it, but it's my blog and I'll plead my case. I'm not going to say the match itself was in the ballpark of the two Strawian epics at 2 and 3, but the thing is, for EPW's history, this was the most important match of the year. Much as Forrest Griffin and Stephen Bonner wildly swinging at each other was UFC's most important fight (Or so Dana White's revisionist history tells us) this is the match that launched First's main event singles push and established him as a threat to win the World Title, and it had Stevens win and keep the belt, which was something a defending champion hadn't done in forever. Both guys got over from this match, and they are from the looks of things heading towards an even more epic re-match.
And if you don't buy my reasoning, well at the very least I'm not an awful person like Billy who makes people quit this hobby.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
A line in poker is a way you represent your hand. Let's say you have an Ace and a Ten of diamons, the flop is a King with 2 other cards, and there's 2 diamonds out there. You know in you heart of hearts your opponent has a King...Now let's assume there's 10 bucks in the pot, he bets 10 bucks, you call...The turn isn't a heart, he checks, and you check, the river is also not a heart, and he checks again, and now you bet 50 bucks in a bluff trying to steal the pot. Your opponent hems and haws but in the end he calls, because he thinks you had a busted flush draw, and he was right, he saw what your hand was by the line you played with it.
Now, let's say that same hand happens, but when he bets the 10, you decide to raise to 30, he calls with his King, but he's concerned, on the turn, he checks, you bet 45 bucks, a little less then two thirds the pot, and he hems and haws and calls. On the river he checks and you now bet 200 dollars, a huge bet, with nothing but a busted flush draw. The thing is, the whole way you've represented a big hand, your line is that you have a monster hand. Your opponent finally decides to cut his losses and folds.
Now I'm sure you want me to get to the point, and the point is, there are lines we take in Rp feds, and often the line is defined by who does the first promo, kind of making them "White" in chess, Here's some examples
Debut Match in a league
White is the Debuting guy
Humble- "It's an honor to be here, and I'm fighting big star guy, and well it's gonna be a hell of a show.'
Cocky- "I don't know why I was booked against this bum, I'm gonna crush him and start gunning for belts right quick, I'm running this league over."
Indifferent- "New company, another paycheck, I guess I'll kick your ass, and you are again?"
White is the guy fighting the debuting guy
Respectful- "Welcome to league X, and I we're gonna tear the house down man."
Disgusted- "Of course management tries to use me as a stepping stone for the new guy, to hell with them and you, I'm gonna kick your ass!"
Weary- "Welcome new guy, more meat for the machine, they'll screw you like they've screwed everyone else, you should almost be thankful I'm going to start you off with a loss, give you a chance to escape."
Guys who have had a match before with a result.
White is the winner from the first match
Round 2 will be exciting!- "We had a great match, and that night, it was my night, who knows what will happen this time."
Round 2 is a joke!- "I've already crushed this loser, why the hell am I fighting him again? Oh right, you're there, well screw you loser, you're losing, again."
Round 2 is where I finish the job!- "I beat you last time, this time I END you!"
White is the loser from the first match.
Round 2 will even the score!- "We had a good match you got me, this time I get you!"
Round 2 will be different because I say so!- "Excuse X is why I lost (X= whatever my excuse is, yeah that's right motherfuckers, Algebra in E-Fedding blogs!) and that won't happen this time!"
Round 1 was business...Round 2...IS PERSONAL!- "Yeah I lost the match last time, but this time you're gonna lose even more then a match!"
Now that's the opening and you have to follow it, your leading promo should define your line for the period. If you have no respect for the piece of garbage you're fighting when you start promoing, you shouldn't find respect for them mid-way through the thread...If you lied through your teeth to start, keep lying, deny reality...If you told the truth to start, keep with it. You want your story to be one that's solid all the way through, you might need new angles on it to keep it fresh, but you want the story to be coherent all the way through.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
So now I ask you, how rich is your character? I'll go down the list of my major characters first.
Doc Silver- Doc was born into money, that was always a part of the character, he's like BJ Penn in the sense that he never had to work a day in his life if he didn't have to, but he got into wrestling and made good money doing it anyhow. Doc's most likely worth about 4-5 million.
Bloodhunt- Bloodhunt might have made good coin in NFW, but he knew he'd have to work after the business was over. Currently has an ownership stake in a used car dealership somewhere in Maryland, wrestles in bingo halls/VFW Hall's for whatever money they pay him. He's middle class America, making 40K or so a year, maybe a little more. He has enough in the bank for a rainy day fund.
The First- He's new to the sport, we'll just assume UCW paid him OK with promises of the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and then ran for the hills when the creditors came calling. He'd still be on a kind of low paying contract in EPW and A1E, his profit margin would really be how much of a cut does he get on his EPW merch. I'd assume he's making a little under 200K from all income sources combined, which seems great, but odds are with his size his career isn't going to last more then 15 years (If it even gets that far) so unless he knows he has to make a big score in wrestling or else his nightmare of being "Brian Nadalny" and working some shitty desk job to provide for his wife and kid will be one that comes true.
So how do you see your characters pay scale? Reply damn you!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
I was talking to Josh (Anarky/HAL handler) and he said to me "Well to be fair you don't make it clear that people shouldn't believe The First has lived all these lives" or words to that effect. So I thought to myself that maybe that was the case. I mean, I'd had First's debut be him living in his parent's basement and lamenting having to take out the trash, I was trying to make him as big a schmuck as possible, but maybe it didn't translate, I don't know.
But the thing is to me, the past life stuff is such crap, it's so silly that your bullshit alarm should go off and you should say "To hell with this, this is a bunch of stupidity! I ain't selling your shit!"
About the most campy gimmick in real wrestling is Undertaker, and he gets no sold all the time, CM Punk called him "Smoke and Mirrors" and Shawn Michaels constantly one upped and harassed him during the build to Wrestlemania last year. Now admittedly a lot of the people who've said Undertaker is a joke were heels, and then they quickly cowered when the lights went out or when a casket showed up, but still, they talked a good game, they didn't buy into the hype of the Deadman.
Like when I saw my first round opponent's bio in TEAM listed him as a mass murderer leader of a biker gang I no-sold it...Because somethings are just to absurd to be accepted, if somebody is pushing a gimmick like that, make them explain it...Make them sell it, make them defend what is really undefendable.
Of course if you talked enough smack about Yori Yakamo Jr. odds are you would in fact be laid out by a foot long dildo and pinned, so yeah, you might have to sell that his dildos can kill you dead and also bend space and time...Still if you want to call 'bullshit' on the dildos, you're putting your character's life, and the time stream, at risk.
That's the draw back of the crazy character, that someone will just not sell your crazy, and you have to deal with it, maybe the storyline and way the league is written your crazy *is* reality and they'll have to accept it...Maybe you really will take a flamethrower to the cast of saved by the bell...
Now by the same token, there are those who do sell the stupidity of the opponent, Kane was the brother of the Undertaker...People went after the Urn which used to give Taker his power...Pete Russo said it in my last post's comments "I'd tell First that I killed him 2,500 years ago and I'll do it again!" exactly...You could sell the stupidity of The First...You could be some past life foe or friend, whatever you want...
Now of course at this point some smart-ass is saying "But Mike, you talk of no selling a person's stupid gimmick, yet you were the one flipping over tables during the whole First/Brian thing. Defend your clearly hypocritical stance!" and to you dear smart ass I say, I'm going back to Undertaker...
Nobody calls Undertaker "Mark"...No matter how they belittle the stuff he does as being a joke, they don't deny that he is "The Undertaker"...For whatever that's worth...So I'd expect people to react to The First about the same...
And lastly, if you don't 'get' a character...It's best to talk to that character's handler, try to see the vision they had for the gimmick...That way you're not causing them to write a series of blog posts far far in the future about wacky gimmicks and shit...You horrible pricks...
Oh and Fuck J-Cup!
And Blogger won't let me C'n'P for some stupid reason so I get to type this sucker all the way out.
"I am facing The First in UCW. He doesn't do narrative but he "existed" in the civil war, the was a "Roman Gladiator"....no...no...no. That is just crap. That is not a character I am interested in or ever will be. It's silly. It's not real life. It doesn't even make sense. I have no interest in doing a program with someone like that. I would never vote for a character like that. It is a waste of my time. Yes E-Fedding is fantasy; (editor's note: Semi-Colon, elegant!) but there is a fine line that gets crossed to readily when the writer falls into narrative."
It's been a while since UCW...But I sadly never saw this blog posting before....And as Jules Winnfield said "Allow me to retort"
First is an idiot, that's the A-Number-1 thing you should take away from the character. You should call bullshit on all his past life stuff, you know why? Cause he's completely full of shit! It's all in his head...Yeah in UCW I did flashback Rp's to the time and place where First was supposedly living his lives, and I got feedback from the fed heads who said they liked it, so I kept doing it.
He never was in the civil war, he never was a roman gladiator, he thinks these things because he's a delusional moron.
Honestly, of my three 'big time' characters (Doc, Bloodhunt, First) I'd say First should be the easiest to Rp against of the three. When I was Rp'ing Doc I was a prick, I'd never sell weakness, never concede a point, argue everything into the ground. Bloodhunt would just get into JFK getting shot and be all conspiracy theory tastic, I mean you could call him paranoid, but he'd just blow right over that.
First I want people to insult. I had him having tea-parties and talking to stuffed animals just so people would cut promos on him saying "You're a fucking moron playing with stuffed animals!" I was and will be in the future handing my opponents the materials to hang my character, because he thinks and does stupid shit...People should call him on that...
So nameless slammer of First from years gone by, here's the backstory of the character in all it's glory (Note: This all could be Ret-Conned at a moment's notice)
Brian Nadanly was a goth loser in Salem High School and at the age of 16 he had a past life regression from one of the scam-artists who do that sort of foolishness...And for whatever reason, said past-life scam artist decided to tell Brian that he had 'the oldest soul he ever had seen' that he'd recounted just dozens and dozens of past lives...And from there Brian had the 'vision' that he was the oldest living soul on earth, The First soul...His gaggle of losers were quickly swayed by the past-life scam artist and Brian AKA First's story...So they fell in line with calling him First.
First was basically the leader of a cult of 5 morons...Which became 6 when in an effort to get laid, he decided to hit on a girl who was a social outcast...He told her that she was Muse, a soul almost as old as his. She fell under the spell of being 'Muse' and as a result, gained a new self confidence (Lost weight, learned to play guitar and drums) and became a free spirit, but her relationship with First never worked out romantically for whatever reasons that happen in teen drama, and anyhow First ran into Rozy a few months later, and well, she'd thought him being "The First" was cool, and she put out for him, so that took care of his girlfriend needs.
He hits a wrestling school, and next thing you know he's a big deal in UCW, pinning Dan Ryan (And thusly earning his right to be in the band) and winning it's world title...Stuff happens, he joins EPW...And we have HOPE and all that fun and frivolity...
Final note, if you think my character sucks, IM me and tell me so! Don't make me wait years for Billy to find your post in a Holzer-blog so I can reply to it years after you've quit Rp'ing, you hoodlum!
Saturday, November 14, 2009
So let's say we set an Rp period for 8 days, now we should chop it up, day 1-3 are round 1, days 3-6 are round 2 7-8 are round 3. Score the Rp like a boxing/MMA match where you award rounds to each person. Don't allow stacking in a round, which is a 72 hour window if somebody fired off really early in the first 2 rounds. Now you give a real incentive to Rp'ing early, because if I'm the only one to Rp for a round, I win it, I'm the only one to Rp for the first two rounds, I win the match. If somebody wants to buzzer shot round 1 or 2, they give me materal to work with for the next round, and now they have to write three Rp's to do three buzzer shots, not just 1 at the end of a promo period.
And a well written buzzer shot can often times be better quality wise then 3 Rp's by your opponent, here's an easy example, I'm fighting someone I don't know, not a lot of history, I do a generic opening Rp, it's not great, the standard "I'm gonna win!" stuff...Then I get off a stack, because they aren't Rp'ing, but stacks tend to suck because you don't have anything to work with, a stack is mostly just a 'gimme something for the effort I'm putting out, effort my opponent has not shown' kind off thing...I value stacks a lot cause I love effort, but others hate writing them/don't care for them, so the value of your stack is always unknown. Then my opponent fires off a great rebuttal an hour before deadline, just a beautiful piece by piece dismantling of my arguments, just makes me look horrible. I scramble and get in a reply like 5 minutes before deadline, but I didn't have time to think things out or make sense of anything, so my Rp sucked, quality wise, I lose the Rp thread and now have a very good chance of losing the match, becuase my opponent took full advantage of what the rules allowed him to do.
By splitting this into rounds, my first Rp and my stack win rounds 1 and 2, and my opponent can't steal the match by never Rp'ing against me until the deadline, it forces him to engage me more then just 1 hour before deadline, makes us have an honest Rp thread, instead of just a sneak attack at the buzzer.
I'm sure there are flaws with this, and I'd love to hear counter-arguements. So agree/debate me in comments!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
OK you're back...
Today's what if booking...What if Cameron Cruise had accepted Sean Stevens demand for a title Vs Title match at Agg 44?
The main event is now that, so now Copycat and The First's issue doesn't get resolved at all, unless both men find new partners. So maybe that storyline is left hanging/dropped, or it continues for a series of cards or might even lead to the two of them meeting at the PPV...This means Layne Winters gets a different opponent to feud with (Edmunds?)
So we got a whole hell of a lot potentally changing just there, but now we really have to up the chaos with figuring out how to book Cruise/Stevens
Stevens winning makes almost no sense at all unless we're just going to make him both Champion and God of EPW....Costing Cruise the IC Title and then making it vacant seems like really crazy booking, so let's just dismiss this out of hand.
The overwhelming likelyhood of this match is that it's a screwjob double DQ of some kind, but the question is, who runs in? If Anthology runs in, that only further builds Stevens/Cruise, Stalker running in for Stevens does the same. The First running in on either guy would build their issue...(Most likely Cruise in this case)...So let's say Anthology does the run-in...Does that get Cruise into the main event at Russian Roulette? What happens then to the IC title, does he lose it before to someone? Is it also at risk?
Now the last option is that Cruise wins the World Title, if you recall that card, Siegel and I did about 400 Rp's each, so he assuredly would have kept up with Jamar if not done more then him, Anthology was coming off a big run at Wrestleverse. Could Cruise had rode that wave to the belt? I'd say it's 80% screwjob finish 20% Cruise wins World title...Now does Stevens stay in the main event at Roulette? Maybe he ends up facing The First in a #1 contenders match and he's the poor bastard who suffers the brunt of the HOPE reveal.
So much wackyness could have happened if Cruise takes the match...And all we can do is ask...What if?
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Anyone who wants to be on the panel, IM me or PM me. Again, make sure you're up on the FWC leagues (EPW and NFW mostly, with maybe some WFW: NE thrown in for taste) along with A1E.
Be around such that you can get back to me in IM or PM to answer a question or 2 within 24 hours of me asking it to you. The last show took about 8 days or so to get made, and 3 of that was because somebody thought they answered a PM and didn't and gummed up the works 3 days...So we can get this done within a week most likely.
You don't have to use your wrestlers either, if you want to make an 'Wrestling talking head' for the show that's A-OK with me.
So let me know if you can do it and once I got my 4 people, Greenie will get to scoring.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Now also at this point we have to decide if we're going to go with a 'legit' name or a 'stage' name...Now you can have a stage name that looks like a real name, but it really won't matter. Like Billy brought out "Layne Winters"...And he's gotten grief from people who can't look past the fact his character is named Layne and is from Seattle...So you have to be careful what your name invokes as a reference...Cause if people get the wrong vibe then they have to read your Rp to 'get' the character...And who has time for such silliness really?! It's kind of hard to make a 'legit name' suck...It should have only 2 syllables per name...Cameron in Cameron Cruise is kind of clunky..."Cam Cruise" as a little more snap to it...Say both of them...I'm right...(Please don't hate me Siegel!)
Let's look at a bunch of names
Let's throw in a couple clearly fake names.
Again, all short, easy to say names. There's a reason they work...Now for a 1 word stage name, again, simple is good...."Stalker" is pretty clear cut...Now "Fusenhoff" doesn't roll off the tongue, so I normally just think of him as "Fuse"...I can't say as I know well his mythos so I don't know where the name comes from. I think the heel color in EPW has even said "What's a Fusenhoff?"
"Big Dog" that's a simple name, and it sells the guy, he's the Big Dog, he'll maul you, cause that's what Big Dog's do..."Housefly"...I'm not feeling that housefly's don't exactly spell fear and intimidation to me....It doesn't invoke much other then a tiny and , at worst, annoying insect.
As for myself, well, most of my names were stolen from my friend's paper league. I think the only names I've come up with my own were Bloodhunt, and The First...Bloodhunt...I dunno the name is kind of clunky I think...And it doesn't really tell you anything about him, so I kind of failed the character in that sense. I guess that's why I don't mind him dropping his stage name for his legit name (Richard Garfield)...Cause well, Bloodhunt doesn't do anything for the character...The First is...Well, the first...The name sort of was the basis for the character and thusly defines it.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
I'll schedule the next PTP for after the following events
A1E's August 21st Warfare
Once those shows are up I should have some new topics to discuss and be able to work another show.
If you want to be on the panel, you need to know NFW/EPW/A1E, and be on-line enough to answer 1-2 questions a day for 3-4 days...So let me know.
Now then...On to the main topic for today. Serendipity. What events have happened totally out of your control that have conspired to aid you in your career in E-Fedding...Here's 4 of mine, 2 for Doc, and 2 for The First.
--The former president of AAWC quits the company and hands it to Schmid, who just won the World Title...and now has to job it to me in order to appear unbias...That was my first World Title in this hobby...Total blind luck.
--Schmid screws Doc in a Godbooked job to Flic Rair. I lose my shit over this...Now you're thinking "Well that wasn't very positive for Doc" you're right...But the serendipity kicks in because Schmid's REAL plan was to get the belt off Doc and then job him via submission to Tom Adler in a WarGames...I can honestly say I have no idea how I'd have handled that besides throwing the most epic of shitfits and most likely quitting AAWC...And since by then I'd burned my CSWA bridge, I don't know what I would have done...Garbage Doc might not have even happened...
But as fate would have it, TW (Adler's handler) refused to put Adler in the WarGames. TW had his own axe to grind I'm sure with Schmid at the time, so he kept Adler "Retired" and Schmid, faced with replacing Adler with a manager for the WarGames, put Doc's team over.
--First is directionless and fresh off a job in EPW...I really hate where the character is at this point and don't really feel like Rp'ing for the next show...Barry T. posts "Felix is in for match, maybe a tag match" and next thing you know, The Forsaken are booked against the tag champions, who no show, and the Forsaken begin a year and change long run with the belts and really let me start figuring out how the hell to Rp the character.
--After losing at Wrestleverse III I really feel my mojo hurting...I'm trying to figure out exactly where I fit in the grand scheme of things as it comes to EPW...So I call out Copycat, since that seems logical enough...But even this match would be upper-mid card at best...But then insanity happens, Copycat refuses the match...Cruise doesn't want to fight Stevens...They challenge me to a tag match...I accept it without having a partner and then Stevens signs on to partner with First...So now I'm suddenly main eventing again in a huge match that The First ends up getting the pin...Just a really wacky turn of events that pushed The First to the fore as a big time player and big time face in EPW, I couldn't have planned any of it if I tried.
What crazy stuff has happened in your E-Fedding careers? When has fortune decided to smile upon you?
Monday, August 17, 2009
GREENIE: We got a lot to cover today, I'm joined by Devin Millwood from the EW Torch, Shawn Jessica Hart from far to many leagues to talk about, Erik Black from EPW, and Brandon Jacobs from WFW: NE...Question #1 goes to Mr. Millwood first..."Will Anthology contend for the EPW World Title?"
MILLWOOD: As long as Cruise is their de facto leader, and Stevens is champ: No. (Greenie awards 2 points) Cruise fears Stevens the way Rocky feared Clubber Lang, (Greenie awards 1 point) and unless Cruise and Wells are jogging together on a beach somewhere hugging in the water, Cruise is never gonna face that fear anytime soon. (Greenie awards 1 point)
GREENIE: Brandon, your take!
JACOBS: Copycat, Wells, and Edmunds have a long history together that dates back to the WWL. If they can harness that chemistry together and keep them collectively all on the same page, you could put General Custer in there and he would still lead that group to victory. (Greenie awards 1 point) Cruise has been on a roll lately winning both the WFW World Tag Title and the NEW Televion Title, (Greenie awards 1 point) it is only a matter of time before Stevens loses the title to Cruise. The Empire Pro World Heavyweight Title is his destiny. (Greenie awards 1 point)
GREENIE: Over to Mr. Black!
BLACK: ...huh? Oh right... my bad. Forgot where I was. Cam Cruise, right? Right... RIGHT...
Just to add to Mr. Jacobs' list there... Cruise is also the current EPW International Champion, and, let's not forget, the A1E World Heavyweight Champion. (Greenie awards 1 point) But is HE the guy we should expect to see overcome "TRIPLE X"? Honestly, I don't see it... because, regardless of WHO is at his back, SOMEBODY must ALWAYS be there before he can move forward. (Greenie awards 1 points) He can't succeed on his own, and if you really think the minds--or should I say, the EGOS--of guys like Tact and Edmunds and Wells are going to stay in check while HE gets all the glory... then man, you need to lay off the shwag! (Greenie awards 1 point) In MY humble opinion, the only hope the Anthology had to challenge the EPW World Heavyweight Title was with THAT man! (points to SJH) (Greenie awards 1 point) But now that he's out, well... take that for what it is.
GREENIE: Bring us home SJH...
SJH: Thank you very much, Mr. Black! It seems after all of our in-ring encounters, I've managed to knock some sense into you! I was ABSOLUTELY the SACK that held those Antho-testes together. (Greenie awards 1 point) My whole situation with them just goes to show that they'er whole operation is the epitome of dysfunction. After their intial burst out of the gate, those wankers are fading faster than Scottie Pippen's hair in the 80's! Hell, I'm not even the first nick in their armor! Remember Kin Hiroshi?! (Greenie awards 1 point) Whatever happened to him?! It's like this thing was crumbling before it even reached its apex. HOWEVER - with all that being said, and them being as WACK as they are, EPW's front against them is even WORSE! Despite their endless woes, they've driven 'Nark insane, halted the First in his tracks, and imposed their will onto the entire promotion! (Greenie awards 1 point) So yeah, they're busted... but they still manage to set the pace in Empire. So it's really only a matter of time before they get their hands into the world title picture too!
(Scoreboard Millwood 4, Black 4, SJH 3, Jacobs 3)
GREENIE: OK second question, who's going to challenge JTP for the NFW World Title? SJH you are up.
SJH: Short answer - NO ONE! I have my own sordid history with JTP, but even I have to concede the fact that he's been rocking out with his cockthing out and flushing every turd in his toilet! (Greenie awards 2 points) Ain't NOBODY in NF-Dub makin' that dude sweat. Will he hold the strap forever? No. But when he loses it, it won't be on his challenger's merits - it'll be because he's been SCREWED, set up, sent to rehab, or stricken down by the Lord God himself! (Greenie awards 1 point)
GREENIE: Erik, what say you?
BLACK: Okay, so get this....We get that plumber guy some boomers, right? Next thing you know, he's jumping down a pipe and fighting turtles and evil fungi to rescue princesses or some shit.(Greenie mutes Black -1 point)
GREENIE: Brandon, give me the good word...
JACOBS: American Panda. Pandas live the life of kings, they eat and sleep. He is going to crunch the Plumber like a piece of bamboo. (Greenie awards 2 points)
GREENIE: Mr. Millwood bats clean up here...
MILLWOOD: Pandas are already an endangered species, and they're gonna get extinct if they come within a hundred yards of JTP's shitter. (Greenie awards 2 points) Honestly, I'm not sure if anyone in NFW's ready for JTP at this point. There are a lot of guys with potential, but who might need a few matches before they're ready. Immediately I'd say Impulse comes to mind as someone who could possibly challenge, and eventually High Flyer's gonna get there. (Greenie awards 1 point) Castor Strife has a lot of physical gifts, but we'll have to see more out of him in singles matches first. Mayfield is a very game veteran, but seeing his first-ballot Hall of Fame chances get shattered by Joe inside of five minutes probably has him apprehensive. (Greenie awards 1 point) The only guy who could immediately threaten Joe's title is Nova, but Nova's gone. It might be six months to a year before we see Joe's true challenger emerge. Until then, Joe's title is safe in Mayfield's hands. Not sure what the hell Mayfield's actually doing with it......maybe shining it, wearing it in front of the mirror...who the hell knows. (Greenie awards 1 point)
(Scoreboard Millwood 9, SJH 6, Jacobs 5, Black 3)
GREENIE: OK, and Mr. Black will on point for question three...Who will be WFW: NE World Champion in 6 months?
BLACK: Man... now THAT'S a tough spliff to choke on...In my heart, I can only see FELIX RED filling those mighty big shoes of being a new generation of wrestling's UNIFIED champion.(Greenie awards 1 point) And I think the reason is because he's practically the ANTI-Champion... a man so immersed in his own universe, that he practically thinks and acts BEYOND the contemporary sport of professional wrestling. (Greenie awards 2 points) Challengers like Tact and the rest of the remnants of L.O.V.E. are all riding high on their reputations as WFW and NEW staples... but I wouldn't be surprised if they all eventually gassed out in the past year. (Greenie awards 2 points)
There's going to be a LOT of competition for that top spot, and I can only see a man with the mentality and goddamn KUNG FU MAGIC of Felix rising above that mayhem. But uh, you'd make a close second, Shawn... (flashes a grin to Hart) (Greenie awards 1 point)
GREENIE: Impressive commentary from Mr. Black...Brandon you got a tough act to follow...
JACOBS: I think it all depends on who wins the NEW Unification match. (Greenie awards 1 point) Shawn Hart is a former WFW World Heavyweight Champion and many say, either the greatest or second greatest champion we've ever had and I'd be hard pressed to disagree. When he gets the world title in his sights, if he really goes after it, I could see him beating Felix Red. (Greenie awards 2 points) Shawn Hart defeated Manson in a World Title defense in Chicago when everyone said Manson was going to win in his hometown. Felix Red is like the son Manson never had, but can he do what Manson couldn't? (Greenie awards 1 point) I just don't know.
GREENIE: Can Devin keep this thing rolling?
MILLWOOD: Assuming WFW: NE isn't insolvent in 6 months, I'd say Shawn Hart takes it. Felix is a great champion, but he needs to get the fire back in his eyes, the way it was a couple years ago. (Greenie awards 1 point) Hart on the other hand is a guy who's always been very successful, but his greatness is often understated. There's still another level he could take his career to, and I think he knows this. (Greenie awards 1 point) Winning that Unified title would be a great step in that direction, and I've never seen him more motivated in his entire career. Momentum is key, and right now Felix just does not have the type of momentum Shawn does. I've got a Hart-On, apparently...Shawn Hart all the way. (Greenie awards 1 point)
GREENIE: SJH you're the closer...
SJH: First of all, let me just say how ubtastically magnumerous it is that we're even here talking about WFW:NE. Both these joints had their moment as perhaps the ROCKINGEST thing rollin' around the business before they fell on hard times (Greenie awards 1 point)... so the the fact that they've gone Lazarus on all our asses, combined like Voltron, and REEMERGED with so much fanfare is marvelous like Maggie Gyllenhaal. As far as who the best bet to take the Unified Title is... look no further than the one name that has fallen on the lips of each and every one of my fellow panelists here! Shawn Jessica "Bubbles" Hart! (Greenie awards 1 point) Love me or hate me, I've been top-billin', world-title illin', killin' my comp like penicillin since day one! WFW Champ, NEW Champ... and in a couple'a weeks. UNIFIED WFW:NE Champ!! Can I get a hallelujah?! (Greenie awards 2 points)
(Scoreboard Millwood 12, SJH 10, Jacobs: 9, Black 9)
GREENIE: OK SJH, Buy or Sell Marcus Westscott as #1 contender in EPW.
SJH: Who cares. I'm selling the entire EPW roster as #1 contender. Mark my words, Christian Sands will return from the dead and get himself a title shot before BEASTcott does anything of note. (Greenie awards 2 points) This guy needs to remember who the FUNK he is before he can even DREAM of challenging Stevens.(Greenie awards 1 point)
GREENIE: Mr. Millwood, Buy or Sell time
MILLWOOD: Buy. I'm not the biggest Westcott fan in the world, but everyone else at the top of the chain has taken a bad loss or two as of late. (Greenie awards 1 point) Now that's not to say he has a better chance of beating Stevens than say, First or Hart; he doesn't, in my opinion. (Greenie awards 1 point) But if we're talking, statistically, who the number one contender is, well...he beat Anarky for that distinction, who by the way was on a tear before losing to Westcott. (Greenie awards 1 point) On the other hand, First has a recent loss to Cruise, and Hart just lost to First. Anarky's still a player, but he needs another win or two. (Greenie awards 1 point) Say what you want about Westcott, but he's a very game veteran who earned his title shot. Beyond that, if you ask me, I sell him as World Champion, and if he did win it I'd sell any more than a two month title reign. (Greenie awards 1 point)
GREENIE: Jacobs, what say you?
JACOBS: Sell, whether you like him or you don't, Beast made the best case against himself when he said to Wells that he had headlined more events than anyone in Empire and was the most dominant world champion ever. (Greenie awards 1 point) It is time to move Marcus Levesque out for someone new and fresh in the title scene. (Greenie 2 points)
GREENIE: Busting out borinator insults, always good! Mr. Black, finish it up!
BLACK: I'd SELL an eighth of a Westcott-Wowie for no more than twenty bucks. (Greenie awards 1 point) I mean, YEAH, he's a proven main event contender. You put him in the ring against ANYBODY, and he'll put up a tough, competitive match. But man, right now, all eyes are on guys like The First and Cruise. (Greenie awards 1 point) I know it's decriminalized up there past the border, but DAMN, that hammy stink of Canada is getting old. (Greenie awards 2 points)
GREENIE: Hatred of Canada, also awesome!
(Scoreboard Millwood 17 SJH 13 Black 13 Jacobs 12)
GREENIE: OK, let's go to Mr. Millwood for question 5, Buy or Sell Cameron Cruise as A1E World Champion.
MILLWOOD: Sell. Cameron Cruise should have a match with Troy Douglas' apathy to determine the undisputed A1E champion, 'cause we all know why Cruise got the title in the first place. (Greenie awards 1 point) I don't know if Douglas was tired of carrying it around or what, but it won't be a problem for Cruise 'cause he's only renting it. His first title defense was a draw...A DRAW! Who the F[BLEEP] draws on their first defense? Shouldn't that be the guy you steamroll? (Greenie awards 1 point) No, I'm selling that like a Thai pimp sells a kidnapped Russian teen. (Greenie awards 1 point) Cruise won't beat Gilikson, and if somehow he leaves Mercury Rising with the title, he'll just cough it up to the next guy lucky enough to get a title shot at Cameron Cruise. And will SOMEBODY, for the love of God, explain to me the difference between Anthology and the Highland Park Social Club? (Greenie awards 1 point) Is there something in the water that makes people just line up to be Cameron Cruise's man servant?
GREENIE: Jacobs, take it away!
JACOBS: Buy. Say what you will about Cruise, but the main event scene has been rather stale lately with the same people getting pushed over and over again, props to A1E for trying someone new on top. (Greenie awards 1 point) The story of Cameron Cruise is the "Little Engine That Could". (Greenie awards 2 points) He has plugged along for years and through his hard work has finally come over the mountain. It gives inspiration to all the other Cameron Cruises of the world to keep on trying instead of giving up. (Greenie awards 1 point)
GREENIE: Mr. Black you're on the spot now!
BLACK: ...huh? OH DUDE, sorry...Forgot where I was... again. THINKING ABOUT HIM kills braincells... And seeing him as the A1E World Heavyweight Champion? I dunno... given the state of the main event scene there in A1E right now, you'd think it was turning into Bizzarro-Empire Pro. (Greenie awards 1 point) It all goes back to what I said, and even what Millwood here said about there being practically no difference between the Anthology and the Highland Park Social Club (Greenie awards 1 point) without that posse to back him up, Cameron Cruise can't stand on his own two feet. Regardless of whether or not he does it on his own, the fact that he NEEDS them on his side just goes to show you how insecure he is. (Greenie awards 2 points) SELL THAT SHWAG.
SJH: Oy.... it KILLS me to do it, but how can I NOT buy?! Bumbling though he may be, the steak n' eggs of the situation is that the Booze Cruise currently holds not one, but FIVE titles!! (Greenie awards 2 pointds) He's the A1 Champ, the Empire Pro Intercontinental Champ, the CSWA Presidential Champ, the WFW:NE Television Champ, and one half of the WFW Tag Team Champs! (Greenie awards 1 point) I mean, I've always said that this joker gets by on sheer luck like half of the time, but even by that math, he's won 2 and a half titles on pure, unbridled talent!! (Greenie awards 1 point) Don't get me wrong, his ass face will inevitably be WIPED from the forefront of the industry, but for now... give the dog his due.
(Scoreboard Millwood 21 SJH 17 Black 17 Jacobs 16)
GREENIE: And SJH kicks off question 6...Buy or Sell Impulse as NFW TV Champion.
SJH: Buy... and I'm sickened and enraged and SICKENED WITH RAGE that you're wasting our time with softball questions!! When are we gonna get back on task and talk about something people care about, something SEXY, something SJH! My Hart-broken Phenom Fiends DEMAND (Greenie mutes SJH -1 point)
GREENIE: Mr. Black get us back on track.
BLACK: I'm kinda with Shawn on that one, but hey, let's talk Impulse...
Rocko The Otter This is the same guy that said in one of his promos that the ALTAR that is SLEEP is nothing more than a Black Sabbath cover band. Being the forefront stoner rock expert of professional wrestling, I can say with all honesty that saying something like that is downright BLASPHEMY, not to mention wholly untrue.
Yeah, Impulse has his mystique thing, and he's got some chops in the ring, and he's put a nice shiny belt with a lot of prestige around his waist in short time... but the way I see it, if he's got these simple facts in his head mixed up... what ELSE is he wrong about?
Or does he just make stupid assumptions on EVERYTHING?? (Greenies awards 1 point) I really don't know...I just know that sooner or later, being WRONG will bite you in the ass. SELL IT. And pinch a nug out of the bag, while you're at it.
GREENIE: Don't know that we really got in track there...But let's try Mr. Jacobs.
JACOBS: Buy, who am I to doubt Castor Strife's hardon? (Greenie awards 1 point) But seriously, he seems fine. There is nothing particularly wrong with him, he says the right things. I don't know if I like his ring name and I'd definitely like him to show some more personality. I'd like him to show some fire. (Greenie awards 1 point) Right now he is sort of like Data from the early seasons of Star Trek the Next Generation.
MILLWOOD: I thought the question was about Impulse? All I heard was something about Black Sabbath, Castor Strife's hard-on, and the black dude from Star Trek. Anyway, I'm going to buy. You wouldn't know it by listening to this panel, but Impulse is one of maybe three or four rising stars who are going to bring this industry to the next level. (Greenie awards 1 point) Technically, he's as sound as anyone. Outside the ring, his appeal is that he's NOT flashy. He's a regular dude with problems the same as anyone else, except I don't think I've ever been stalked by another man. (Greenie awards 2 points) Anyway, people like to see themselves in their heroes; the days of the Wunder God destroying all comers in his path as he fights for truth, justice, and the American way are over. (Greenie awards 1 point) It was an unattainable image, and I think in some ways we've even moved past the anti-hero. People want the anti-celebrity, and that's what Impulse is. (Greenie awards 1 point) Not to mention he's kicking dude's asses and will probably be a World Champion before it's all over.
(Scoreboard Millwood 26, Black 18, Jacobs 18, SJH 16)
GREENIE: And with that we gotta make the painful first cut...And so leaving our show is The Phenom SJH...Any final thoughts?
SJH: Vote for me in Russel David's VS. Tournament!! Dubbya-dubbya-dub dot EWTORCH dot (Greenie mutes him, his screen greys out)
GREENIE: So ends the man known as SJH. Then there were three...On to you Mr. Black...It's time for Out of Bounds...The big question...Is TEAM out of Steam?
BLACK: Man, I love TEAM, and I love everything it represents...And that's why it KILLS me to have to say YES, the federation IS running out of steam. (Greenie awards 1 point) Everybody had high hopes when they learned Troy Douglas would be taking the reigns from Jess Chapel when he got hit by hard financial times and was forced to bow out, but the harsh truth of the matter is that the TEAM machine was already beginning to slow by that point. Since ownership changed hands, we've languished through another Invitational Tournament bogged down by delays and no communication from the top... every year (Greenie awards 1 point) , they get the same controversial backlash from the internet wrestling community, (Greenie awards 1 point) and we see someone new taking the top place. TEAM's long-standing problem is that it's never had solid faces; every year, somebody would step up above the rest of the pack. Then they'd fade away over time, and as a result, TEAM didn't really know how to connect with its fans and keep them coming back. (Greenie awards 1 point) I wasn't too surprised to see Douglas drag it down even further, given how sketchy he is in his professional record. The man might want to be the next Dan Ryan, as in a successful wrestler turned successful businessman, but some people just don't have the mind for managing an entire federation...ESPECIALLY one with the prestige and expanse as TEAM. In the end, (Greenie awards 2 points) TEAM was like a nice, sweet bong hit...It damn well blew our HEADS OFF after that first drag... But when it started burning out, well... it just left us all with a bad taste in the mouth. (Greenie awards 1 point)
GREENIE: Over to you Mr. Jacobs for your take.
JACOBS: The jury is still out on TEAM, Douglas needs to take the league and shape it into his own. (Greenie awards 2 points) While the TEAM name may have brought people to the dance, to excel, you need to do your own thing instead of being beholden to the past. (Greenie awards 1 point) Conan O'Brien didn't try to be Letterman when he took over The Late Show. He took on that franchise and now that ginger haired boy is the host of the Tonight Show. (Greenie awards 2 points)
MILLWOOD: You know what the real tragedy of TEAM is? The workers never stopped putting out effort. It didn't HAVE TO run out of steam, but damn did it ever. (Greenie awards 1 point) There are some elements which were in place before Troy Douglas arrived that need to change, but I'd say it's time for Mr. Douglas to bow out gracefully. We all wanted to give him the benefit after the first couple of delays, but by now his slack has run out. (Greenie awards 1 point) The guy has been a disaster, period. Getting the shows running on time should be the EASIEST part of running TEAM. I always thought that motivating the talent, fixing some of the league's structural problems, etc, would be the difficult part of running this shindig, but apparently Troy Douglas managed to screw up the easy part. Bottom line: if TEAM were run by someone as motivated as the talent is, it would be a success. (Greenie awards 2 points)
GREENIE: And with that, we say goodbye to Mr. Jacobs (Greenie hits the button, greying out Jacobs screen)
(Showdown graphics, music)
GREENIE: Two men enter, one man wins the first ever Pillar to Post...Question 1 to Mr. Millwood, who wins a match between JTP and Sean Stevens?
MILLWOOD: No disrespect to Stevens, he's a beast, but I have to go with JTP. Right now, he's the number one pound for pounder in professional wrestling. I don't mean to sound like Craig Miles' mouthpiece, but Stevens was in NFW once upon a time and left with mixed results. JTP also owns recent wins over Kin Hiroshi and Nova, two men who I think are superior to anyone Stevens has faced as of late; JA isn't Nova on his best day, and Rocko Daymon hasn't been himself since returning. I don't care what the Wrestling Rag's rankings say; you know and I know that Stevens shouldn't be ranked ahead of JTP. They've got High Flyer at the 2 spot; Flyer's in NFW, and JTP would murder-death-kill him. JTP would send Level One to Basement Level 4b.
BLACK: Wow... JTP and "Triple X" Sean Stevens...I mean, you couldn't find another pair of EXACT opposites to put face to face. I mean, everybody knows the kind of man Stevens is: high-ridin', wheelin'-and-dealin', blah-blitty-doo-dah what have you... and Joe, well... I mean, come on, he's a PLUMBER!! And it's very likely that JTP may not even be of this world, but if you ask me... I think that's all he'll EVER be, is an exception that stepped up and proved himself over an entire wrestling community. He's set his name in stone for this time and place. But Sean Stevens... it's ALWAYS HIS time and HIS place. I don't care WHO you are. Just to refute some of Mr. Millwood's points... yeah, Stevens didn't last very long in NFW, for the same reason why some of the BEST names have never set FOOT in that federation: they just aren't comfortable with the way things are run there. People see JTP as the champion, and they think "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? What kind of CIRCUS are they running there to put a PLUMBER as champ?" As for, what... some guy named High Flyer being number two on some rankings sheet? That's a moot point. I bet I couldn't recall half the names I read off that list, and I have no idea where they get their data. But saying JTP's got credentials just because he beat KIN HIROSHI?! I mean, come on... if we're talking about leaving a federation with mixed results, then THERE'S the one guy I think of when you say that. I'll say that Joe the Plumber is an amazing talent, and could kick practically 99% of all the talent in today's industry... but "Triple X" Sean Stevens has been doing that HIS ENTIRE CAREER. Maybe JTP fell into some radioactive disinfectant goop while scrubbing toilets one day that gave him superpowers... he MIGHT have a chance then. Otherwise, sorry man... "Triple X" Sean Stevens is the KRYPTONITE! The GREEN DREAM! The MAUI WOWIE! And forever the sure bet.
GREENIE: It's close here, but who says a plumber can't be a world champion, Point Millwood! Black, your back is against the ropes, Question 2, Who wins FMLL Vs LVW!
BLACK: ...OH MAN. I just got this WILD mental image of that going down...With bowlers and surfers and Vikings tossing a bunch of midget luchadores around the ring...Complete and utter pandemonium. But who would win? Well, I'd say the strength in talent lies in Las Vegas. You've got some TOP contenders there, and they're all proven entertainers. But let's think about logically... everybody in LVW HATES each other. They couldn't POSSIBLY coexist on the same side, let alone in a league brawl against the luchadores. The talent from FMLL, on the other hand... almost EVERY SHOW, those guys are teaming up with each other. They know A LOT about team work, and what it means to unite forces against a common enemy. The Las Vegas wrecking crew can win MATCHES, but the luchadores... they win the ALL-OUT WARS. I give it to FMLL.
GREENIE: Devin with a chance to close it out, give it a go Mr. Millwood!
MILLWOOD: Umm...it's a well-known fact that Mexicans will work harder and for peanuts, so I'm thinking FMLL would get more bang for their buck. However, the boys in Vegas aren't exactly living on prime rib and caviar, either. My answer is: ask me after I've seen an FMLL show.
GREENIE: Black carries that one, only because I want to see a interfed brawl...Point to Black! Now then, the tie breaker...We will hopefully crowd a TiT Champion at some point...Who will it be? Mr. Black you're leading off.
BLACK: Well for once, I'm happy to say that there's a TiT with a couple of PAST winners involved! And if you look at the tournament in a historical aspect... that kind of experience has ALWAYS come out in someone's favor. I could easily see Nova and "The Eggo Mustard" making it to the finals... a great clash of past TiT winners. This is, of course, assuming that there won't be any more tournaments following this one... cause at the rate TEAM's going, I honestly don't expect there to be any. So the perfect send-off would be THESE two... bar none, THE most decorated individuals to ever walk into TEAM, and that's not even including their accomplishments in OTHER federations. But who wins? I'll go with Meathead on that one. I don't think it's any coincidence that Dan Ryan just waltzed right out of retirement and started kicking ass left and right again. He's back with a purpose, and he KNOWS he can get it. I didn't see focus and commitment like that since Randalls in the previous tournament, who went on to win the whole damn thing, because he knew from the very onset that he could and WOULD do it. "The Lego Bluster" Dan Ryan wins the 2009--and likely FINAL--TEAM Invitational Tournament, and, having once again proven that he IS a professional wrestling legend, I'd expect he'd quietly bow out of the sport again until another 40 virgins are sacrificed upon the Altar of RYAN.
GREENIE: Millwood with the match on the line!
MILLWOOD: Hey, if TiT actually gets to the point of commencement, WE ALL WIN. I'm picking Doc Silver, assuming he's not in a wheelchair living off Social Security by the time we get to the finals. Ryan's a legend, Nova's a legend, but you know what? Doc was a legend long before anyone even heard of these guys. If you look back at his career, he's got amazing luck in tournaments. The dude won Ultratitle as a rookie, for God's sake. The thing about Doc is, he doesn't even need to be good, he just needs to be smart. When has he ever walked in the ring and just plain kicked ass? My five year old cousin's made Doc bleed...I could make Doc bleed. Doc is not the Anderson Silva of pro-wrestling, and he's not a wrecking machine ala Dan Ryan. He is, though, an extremely wiley veteran who knows how to win, and he's been showing the world again why at the end of the day...somehow, someway...Doc wins.
GREENIE: Shameless promotion of Doc carries the day! Point and match Millwood. Face time for the EWTorch reporter!
(Black looks horrified, his screen greys out, the picture cuts to a full screen shot of Millwood)
MILLWOOD: You know, I was watching Wizard of Oz last night, and it got me thinking: how: Dorothy was a naive little cocktease. You've got this chick in a dress and pigtails waltzing through some magical forrest with three dudes...and you're telling me she DIDN'T get raped? OK maybe Scarecrow's an upstanding citizen and the Tinman couldn't get it up, but the Cowardly Lion was an animal! Why wouldn't an animal just take the sex by force? He could have easily beasted her in the woods when the other two weren't looking. Initially I thought they slipped her a roofie when she passed out in the field, but then the rest of them went to sleep also. In fact, now that I think about it, didn't she wake up at the end with three men at her bedside who looked like her dream sequence companions? It's obvious: they slipped her a roofie, and she went into this weird trip where she imagined her attackers to be fantastical creatures escorting her on a magical voyage through a kingdom of midgets. All this, as they raped her. Sorry, but it's true. I know, it sounds more like an NFW programming...but it's true.
GREENIE: You've just ruined a timeless classic...Well you or Tim Burton...Well we'll be back next time, with more hard hitting topics...See you all then for more Pillar to Post!
(All 4 screens turn back on and all 4 pundits begin shouting and talking over each other as Greenie looks on horrified...FADEOUT)
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
The key for a heel to be a heel is that the character has to have a reason to hate the crowd. It's one thing to hate a face and have a personal issue with them, and for you to be seen as being 'in the wrong' in the eyes of the masses, but that feud will end, and after it's all said and done, you need to have more then just that, you need to have a justification for why the crowd is beneath you, why you willingly embrace their scorn and hatred. You have to be able to answer the question "Why is this guy such a dick". A heel has to have a reason to think he's 'above' or 'better' then the crowd. Cause people on the whole, want to be cheered, why does your character not want that? Why does he embrace being hated?
You have the rich heel, who's a success, and he looks down on you cause you're not. He's better then you because he made it and you're just a peon. The crowd hates the guy because he is dismissive, aloof, insulting. Currently "Triple X" Sean Stevens is that kind of a heel, with his custom made suits, 5 figure sunglasses, and all the rest.
You have the scumbag heel who offends people because he has no morals, no sense of honor, and yet he flips that around, he credits his depraved outlook on life as being what makes him a winner, and the fans who are bound to their foolish idealism about good and evil, they are wrong, and the results of the heel prove he's right. The crowd hates them because they are cowards, who are not shamed by the levels they stoop to win. Doc Silver was this kind of heel.
Finally there are the moral scolds, who declare that their way of life is superior then the crowd's. The crowd hates these people because they talk down to them, insulting their lifestyle and degrading the choices they've made in life. Born Again in LVW is one of these heels. CM Punk replaces religion with the Straight Edge lifestyle on Smackdown for this gimmick.
Smarks tend to gravitate towards heels instead of faces, but don't let that natural bias cloud your mindset, as I said in my post before, most people treat the non-existent crowds in E-Fedding like an on/off switch and you just set your character to 'Heel' and he's boo'ed out of the arena every night. But why? What makes the crowd hate him so much? Justify your heat and it'll make your character easier to write and develop.
Now get out there and piss some people off.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Today's What-if, what if Sean Stevens had beaten JA at Agg 43?
At Agg 43, JA basically beat Stevens silly, had him pinned for a 10 count, and Stevens walked away from the match, losing by count-out, then Rocko Daymon appeared out of nowhere and a giant fight broke out between the three men leading to the main event at Wrestleverse where Stevens retained by winning clean over JA at the end of the elimination match.
But let's say Stevens beat JA clean at Agg 43...What happens then? Wrestleverse III was a sort of "Enemies of the past confront Stevens" feel to it...With JA gone, does Rocko coming back merit a straight up title match between the two?
I'd say no, but Rocko still has to be invovled in the main event scene. So let's go back to the start of Agg 43. The First came out and wanted a re-match with Stevens because First kicked Stevens ass at Agg 42. Then Cameron Cruise, who just won the IC Title at Agg 42, comes out and tells First to drop dead, that he should get a world title shot. Then Cruise and Jared Wells beat The First up.
So the Wrestleverse main event gets rebooked as Cameron Cruise Vs The First Vs Sean Stevens in an elimination match for the EPW World Title, with special guest ref Rocko Daymon. The match progresses for a while, until First has Cruise and Stevens down, but then Copycat runs out as a distraction, and First ends up getting pinned by Cruise. Now we're down to Stevens Vs Cruise, with Stevens and Rocko's issues boiling over, till finally they go to blows and then Cruise swoops in for a roll up and gets an assist from a fast count from Daymon to steal the World Title.
Anthology now stands on top of the mountain as Cruise is World Champion, building towards his match with Marcus Westscott at the next PPV, Rocko Daymon and Sean Stevens have to settle their issues in some brutal stipulation match. Copycat and The First roll through their brackets in the tournament for the vacant IC Title and are set to meet in the finals to crown the new champion. Stalker and Fusenhoff are dragged into the Anti-Anthology war as they chase Tact and Wells tag titles...
I think this all could have happened if one match had gone another way. Does it sound plausable, to outlandish? Let me know.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
NOTE: I'm so tired I nearly posted this as "A quick thing about A1W". Man that would have been awful.
FINAL NOTE: A1E taking me back means I'll be back in CSWA in about 2 years time...Which may or may not be when their next card is.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
The first show would be EPW/NFW/A1E centric, as time moves on, I'd try to get more in tune with the PTC and PRIME stuff so we can have shows on them.
I'd like to do the show in a live chat, which is always tough getting 5 people's schedules cleared for a night, but if it's at all possible, I'd like to do that, failing that we can play E-mail tag with the questions and answers and then have the moderator score the comments.
So if you are interested, either IM me (War on Eurasia) PM me (The Great Eye) or reply here, let me know what character you're using and what days you're free for a chat session, and if you want to be a pundit or the scorer.
Green Machine (Pundit/Scorer depending on what we get.)
Monday, August 3, 2009
Group 1- Babyfaces
What a mixed bag we got here. Shawn Hart just face turned and he's a wacky, silly guy. He's off beat and lives for hi-jinx and crazyness. The Hart character is like Chris Jericho/Edge when they were silly, light hearted faces.
Olvir's just a crazy cartoon character, the larger then life giant who's going to kick ass and then drag a girl out of the crowd and have his way with her. He's campy, and over-the-top. He's like Val Venis but instead of trying to be cool about it, he embraces his outlandishness.
The First is funny to me, because I feel like he sort of can't believe how over he is, so really he doesn't know exactly how to play the part of being a big time face. He knows who he is (Or at least who he believes himself to be) but for the first time he's kind of out of his element, he'll shake hands and kiss babies, cause that's what faces do, right? Right?
Group 2 anti heros
Fusenhoff has taken a turn for the worse in his 'enslavement' to Stalker. But he's still a guy supported by the crowd in spite of his bleak outlook on the world.
Daymon is also one who's gotten darker and more grim, but he's still a sympathetic character who the masses support.
Group 3 Tweeners leaning face
Anarky and Westscott both fall into this catagory because they are fighting with Anthology (And in Westscott's case, Stevens also) , the heel monolith of EPW. Fighting them pretty much makes their opponent a face by default, not that either of these guys give a damn about the crowd.
Group 4 Badass heels
Stevens lays down challenges and won Wrestleverse III clean...Then after Wrestleverse he even tagged with The First to beat up Anthology. Thankfully he heeled it up a bit in that match or rlse he'd have started treading towards faceland...That and the fact that on the last card he got his team DQ'ed and fought with Westscott keep him solidly a heel.
Winters had been caught in the pull of the Anthology monolith, but with his backstage confrontations with The First and taking the EPW TV Title off Fusenhoff, Winters is clearly a heel.
Group 5 Chickenshit Heels
Anthology are clearly the group with the most impact on EPW, they pretty much force anyone who fights them for any prolonged period of time to become a face of some kind. They cheat, are dirtbags and scum, and generally do just about anything a gang of cowardly thugs should do to gain power.
Stalker is an absolute scumbag, he cost Rocko Daymon the World Title by injury, he enslaved Fusenhoff, he's a henchman for Sean Stevens when it's needed. And when it came time for him to get his just due from Daymon, he hid behind a restraining order...Stalker may be the most horrible person in EPW and that's saying something.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Save yourself with AGT and The Hoff! Lemme know what to talk about!
So since I am the 'nuts and bolts' blog. lemme come up with a few topics off the top of my head
2) Character development
3) Promo Writing
5) Match Writing
What of those topics should I get into? Or do you have a specific question on any of them, ask away.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Right now the main event for the next EPW PPV is going to be Marcus Westscott Vs Sean Stevens. Both men are listed as heels, yet why is Marcus Westscott a heel currently in EPW?
Here's a list of things that have happened to Westscott over the course of his run that has led to his title shot.
-Sold out by Craig Miles at Unleashed and forced to fight The Forsaken by himself. A match he lost when The First (a tweener/face at this time) cheated by spraying mist in his eyes leading to a double team and a finish.
-Had Miles degrade him and force him to abandon the Beast ringname and not make Lindsay Troy jokes to get his hands on Miles.
-Backstabbed by Anarky in a tag match and left to be mauled by Stalker/Fusenhoff.
-Laid out in the backstage area by an unknown attacker(s), thought to be Anthology.
-Is currently main eventing Aggression fighting a member of Anthology, the hated heel stable of EPW.
And he's a heel? I mean my lord, what did this man do to the crowd, run over everyone's dog? Sleep with everyone's sister? I mean, the guy can't catch a break. If I end up writing the main event of the show I'd be likely to give Westscott a little face heat from the crowd, maybe it a bit of a tweener reaction, because he's done nothing but fight a rogue gallery of scum and villany this whole time and he's still standing, the marks have to respect that.
I'm not saying Westscott should act like a face or embrace the fans, far from it. He's a guy who's been over for being who he is and suddenly shaking hands and kissing babies is not at all in character for him, I just think that the masses want somebody to root for in all these fights, and Westscott would be the one who they would get behind.
On the last EPW card, I had Anarky get some face heat in his match with Larry Tact. This is because Anarky was doing a heroic thing, entering battle in spite of being injured (And currently bleeding) and fighting a member of Anthology. How is the crowd not going to think that's bad ass?
I know a lot of people want to be the biggest heel on the block, but sometimes you just have to accept that there's no way you're going to outheel the other guy. It might even be for good reasons.
Let's take Sean Stevens Vs Cameron Cruise, who's the face there? Has to be Stevens, he won Wrestleverse III's main event clean, he's laying down challenges, he's the badass. Cruise is the (de facto) leader of Anthology, he won his match at Wrestleverse III via run-in. Cruise is the chickenshit heel. Hell Stevens wanted to fight Cruise so badly he tagged with a sworn enemy (and face) The First to do so. The crowd is going to gravitate towards the bad ass shitkicker and want to see the cheating bastard get his. This could even be brought up in the commentary that it kind of throws Stevens off that somebody's more hated then him. He's accustomed to being the bad guy and now he's not...
Again, I'm not saying that the character should Rp differently, unless the handler decides they want to. I'm just saying that in a lot of situations I feel match writers/handlers/fed-heads just are lazy and have a switch reading "face/heel" and once it's set one way, unless the handler declares he's going to turn the switch the other way, then they stay on the side they are on. I'm guilty of it myself and I'm going to stop doing that in the matches I write.
So when you're writing a match and you are stuck with the dreaded Heel/Heel match up, review both guy's previous matches, read the promos, do a little research and pick somebody to get a little face heat, fans aren't there just to watch villians fight each other, they want investment in the match, and the sold out crowds (It's always a sell out! I'd love a league that hit a rough patch and brought up that sections of the arena were covered or that they papered the hell out of the place to make it look sold out.) of our leagues deserve that, so give it to them.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
I think the new crop of smaller guys has come along as we've moved from being marks who wee fans of monsters, and became smarks who are fans of workrate. Nobody's blown away by Mark Henry's workrate, so giant monsters like him aren't seen a lot on the forums.
Like Anthology is a bunch of old school characters...Cameron Cruise (6'4" 263 lbs.) Jared Wells (6'1" 254) Larry Tact (6'6" 260) Copycat (6'4" 280) their newest member, Sean Edmunds, is the runt of the litter (6' 228)
I never really thought of Cruise as a big guy till I read his stats, and I was like "Wow, he's a big guy". Reading the First/Cruise match over I never got the sense that The First was really facing a big guy, in the tag match with Copycat/Cruise...It was made clear that Copycat was ragdolling The First, and he should be, he's a big guy, nearly a monster heel, and The First is a tiny, high flying face.
Currently three of the most over guys I can think of on the forums (If I'm allowed to use one of my own characters in a gross showing of self promotion) are Impluse, The First, and Ice Tre, who are all listed at under 200 pounds on their bios, I really doubt this would have happened back in the old school P* days when people wanted to powerbomb you through the mat and didn't really care if being 250+ meant you shouldn't be hitting shooting star presses. Heck Shane Southern who was a HBK knock off was 6'4".
When you're writing a match it's important to look at the bios and see what the two guys measure up as, because you should play up a size mis-match between two people. Most of the boards know about MMA or Boxing and understand weight classes and two guys 30 pounds apart is a big deal. Of course by that same token you have to sell the little guy's comeback by talking up his speed advantage, the nature of his offense, etc. Bring up the fact that the big guy has to carry around all that weight so he could gas out later in the fight.
Odds are I'll be writing the Layne Winters/The First TV Title match in EPW...Besides just BURYING Winters and putting myself sick over (That's rule #1 when you write your own matches, never forget that.) and one of the things I'd bring up in that match is that Winters has fought Olvir (A absolute MONSTER at 6'7" 317) and Fusenhoff (checking in at a meager 6'3" 263) and has gone from being the smaller man in both matches (If only by 13 pounds Vs Fuse) to now being the much bigger man Vs The First, and how that'll change his tactics and game plan now that he finally enters into a battle as the larger fighter.
Billy talked a lot about this with his writing of the Castor/PC Vs Black/Impluse match, and how he wanted to get over that Castor is much bigger then Impulse, and he should, that's part of both characters. If you make up a character that's under 200 pounds, you have to expect him to get the shit beaten out of him. I'd be a moron if I thought The First was gonna steamroll people, and I'm sure Pete Russo knows the same thing with Impulse.
The move towards smaller guys, while people still have their older bigger characters is interesting, and if Ryan's lucha league ever has any of it's guys move to the "American" leagues, that influence would be even bigger. Not that all new characters are smaller, but I believe the trend is moving that way. So don't fear the 200 pound line, embrace it, enjoy watching your character being stuck like a tack...It's not so bad, really...
Sunday, July 19, 2009
So anyhow, let's say you're just about anyone at all in this game, and you're gunning for a title. What is the keys to winning a title?
1. Being Consistant
You get hired for a job because people expect you to show up and do the work. That's pretty straight forward, but it's still important, you have to have been on the last few shows, Rp'ing your matches, signing up for matches, and if you can write a match or two, all the better. Put in work.
It's really important to make friends and build relationships in this hobby. Everything here is political, everything here is based off trust. A fed-head who knows you only as "He's the handler of wrestler X" isn't as likely to put you over as one who hears from you, gets input on your ideas and thoughts. By that same token, it's hard to work a feud with somebody over a belt if the person you're feuding with doesn't know you except as "His opponent". It's hard to get yourself into those spots. You have to find people and talk to them, pitch ideas to them, discuss plans, work angles. Anthology didn't happen because Brunk said "You guys, you're now a stable". No Siegel, Clark, Pena et. all had an idea and made it happen.
You want to be in the mix of a storyline, this may be more important then the other two, period. Double so if the title you are going for is a major one that's normally tied up to important storylines that are effecting the whole company. Let's take the First/Stevens match for an example. It's a crazy open challenge from a tag wrestler against the World Champ, my odds of winning the title there were very low, but what the match did do for The First's career is get him starting into a storyline with Stevens and has put him in the main event a time or two.
Losing to a champion can be the key to winning a title or getting a push, so if you do fail to win the title, try to figure out the reasons why. Get feedback from the fed-head about why he made the decision as he did. Learn from it and try to come back with better reasons for you to get the title next time.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Jungle Storm with a screwjob win to kick off the show. Billy's various and sundry take-offs from Brazil's vast MMA army seem to be a force to be reckoned with in EPW's tag team division. Billy wrote a good match here and continues the story of Jungle Storm's infighting.
Scott/Sarge I wrote, it was kind of short, mostly because I was given the match late and wanted to get it done, amazingly enough once I got it done, apparently the card in total finished itself and went up. So I guess my decision to just get this thing done worked out well. A nice farewell for Scott and a win for Sarge, depends on if he wants to stay tagging or go singles.
Up Next is more Winters/First arguing. Winters upping the stakes on himself for the TV Title match, almost promising a win.
I like how the restraining order angle got retained and all the crazyness that happened with Stalker/Ivan/Black/Rocko/Fuse. A well thought out match, with Stalker getting a win, and now Fusenhoff gets busted open badly, a bad omen for his TV Title match.
Anarky found dead...Poor Anarky...Boo people who killed him...
First/Hart up next with a match that's pretty much secondary to the storyline events that go after it. First wins after Anthology doesn't show up to aid Hart, Hart thusly disgusted by the fact that Anthology isn't helping him, quits Anthology.
Tact Vs Anarky...Anarky survives his death, and then decides that doing so sucked and kills himself and Tact...I think I wrote a solid, bloody, brutal match.
Winters/Fuse then blows the roof off the joint for match of the night, big time back and forth as both men land everything they got and then some, with Fusenhoff finally done in by the long bout and his earlier injury, allowing Winters a victory with the Green River Justice. Fuse now has a big bone to pick with Daymon, for the chair shot that may have cost him the title, and Winters of course, for taking the title.
The main event was kind of a mess, given the various and sundry people who didn't Rp. A DQ finish was kind of dissapointing but in such a situation one can expect it. I tried to get Edmunds as over as I could in the match since he did 2 Rp's for the show and put in the work.
As I said in the quick recap, this was a big storyline show, Winters win the TV Title, Hart quits Anthology, Anarky is the latest victim of an attack, and then loses his mind. The start of issues between Westscott and Stevens...I think these next two shows should be an excellent build up to the PPV.
My only bone of contention with the whole show is that Brunk edited the word 'gi' to 'G.I.' in The First's two intros...It's gi pants, like a karate gi. Not military pants.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
There were 2 questions on the list about stables and tag teams, I gave a quick answer there and well, I want to try a bigger answer here.
You can have three kinds of stables, a stable that's put together around a gimmick (The Nation of Domination) you can have a mega stable that's going to try to take over (DX, nWo, Horsemen) or you can have one of many short lived counter stables that formed in reaction to those other stables.
I think all three stables are cool, the big difference between real wrestling and E-Fedding is that we're not all here for a paycheck, the reasoning for why your character is in the stable should be made clear. Sometimes the reason for being in a stable isn't really awesome for your character, in the sense that they are a flunkie/tag-a-long, but you might as well roll with it and explain why your guy is doing that.
My major issue with Anthology is that they aren't going after the World Title. I know Siegel had his reasons for not fighting Stevens at Agg 44, and that's cool, but I felt like Anthology was a big time player leading up to Wrestleverse. I wouldn't have been the least bit shocked if the main event of Wrestleverse had had Cruise in that three way instead of JA or Rocko. He'd just won the IC Title, he's now on a roll, I could have seen him being put in the main event.
I feel like if not Cruise, then somebody in Anthology should step up and let Stevens know his time with the belt is running out, he might not even make it to Westscott. Etc etc. Anthology's now been in back to back main events on Agg's and Stevens has been in both, there's no reason for them not to break out the knives for the champ.
(Note: All of the above was in no way, shape, or form designed to turn Anthology's baleful gaze from The First to Stevens, feel free to keep attacking The First!)
As for tag teams, I think the best thing is to do a joint tag team with somebody who you get along with. I love joint promos, I had tons of fun writing them with Felix Red (Barry T.) I mean he's a great handler and for whatever reason he was cool just being in the tag division for a year.
The thing with writing joint Rp's and working with other people is that it forces you to react while in character, really gets you into the mind-set of the gimmick you're Rp'ing, and for me with The First, it was interesting because Felix is so damn insane he makes The First look normal by comparison, I had to play straight man to Felix's madness a lot of the time and just react to what he was doing. It also leads to the two of you doing stuff that moves your character out of their comfort zone and gets you trying to figure out how to roleplay in those situations.
The year and change The First was with Felix Red really let me refine the character and work out whatever the hell it was in my mind that I was trying to do with him, and since I was a tag champ and winning matches, it was getting First over at least in the sense that he was a successful tag wrestler. I don't think I could have spent a year working on the character while he was going .500 or so on the mid-card as a solo act.
So while I think a fully made tag team Rp'ed by one person is good and there's no reason not to do them, I believe that the best way for somebody to build a character is with somebody else in their team.
I want to see Wells/Tact joint promos...My biggest dissapointment with Agg 44 was that I didn't get to write a joint promo with Jamar Short. I was thinking of having Stevens basically kidnap The First and drag him to some sort of high end clothing shop and explaining to him that if he was gonna tag with the champ he was gonna have to quit looking like an idiot, and The First screws it all up by still getting himself a stupid over the top outfit (something in a horrible color with a top hat most likely) and Stevens just giving up on him. Hopefully leaving The First to pay the bill for his suit ("Ummm...You kinda pulled me off the street, I don't have my credit cards handy...Trip...TRIP?)
So if you're trying to figure out what the hell to do with your character, write segments with people, interact with other characters, see what happens and learn from it.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
The Stevens/First Vs Copycat/Cruise match was a payoff for me, a big payoff, the whole thing was awesome from beginning to end, it was truly one of the most unexpected and bizarre matches ever formed, then one of the most entertaining to Rp for, and then my team won it, and even had a little extra go my way.
Winding it all the way back, we go to the loss to Cruise at WrestleVerse III. I'm pretty much at a loss as to what to do with The First at this point, as he's gone from a main event contender to having lost three matches in a row, it's kind of that annoying spot where you just don't seem to fit into anything, and nothing really makes sense for the character. I didn't want to call out Copycat right away, cause I didn't feel like that match would be good in a booking sense. I mean either guy losing kind of sucks, since Copycat's debuting and The First is on a huge (By FW standards) losing streak, neither guy really should be losing that match, but really when I looked at it logically, the only play was to call out Copycat.
This proved to be my undoing, as it often is, as Garth...Copycat's handler...Had decided he wanted Copycat to do some tag matches, and wasn't so much up for a singles match. I still made the challenge in the In/Out thread because I felt it would be out of character for The First to not make that challenge.
Copycat then replied with the counter offer of a tag match with Cruise, Cruise of course had been busy not taking the World Title Shot offered him by Stevens. All of this had happened with me away from the computer for a few hours so I came back on-line to find this pile of madness awaiting me, as well as a PM from somebody who was already offering to be my tag partner for a match I didn't even know was now being talked about.
So I accepted the tag match, not having a partner and trying to work out who would be my partner, when Stevens suddenly signed up for the match, so now I've gone from a possible mid-card match with Copycat getting turned down to main eventing a tag match with the World Champ for a partner, funny how this game works sometimes.
So having lucked out into that turn of events, we then have an epic Rp fest with everyone just filling the thread with Rp's...It's an old school P* style war...
And then Straw writes an epic main event where First/Stevens win...And it pretty much works out the way I planned it...On top of that Larry Tact's handler enjoyed the "First picks up the belt and Stevens rips it away from him" spot I suggested...Which always makes me feel good...
One last thing was that I may have broken a rule of feedbackery in listing First in my 'wrestler of the night/moment of the night'. I'd never give myself credit for match of the night, cause that's pretty ego-filled...But as for characters and stuff, I'd look at a card as an objective observer and post how I think they would see things...Also I think it would be pretty disingenuous to give those 'awards' to somebody just for the sake of not picking my own guy...