Tuesday, August 18, 2009

A quick note about Pillar to Post and serendipity

a quick note about Pillar to Post (For which I have gotten a ton of positive feedback, I'm so glad everyone enjoyed it.)

I'll schedule the next PTP for after the following events

Crash 49

Aggression 47

A1E's August 21st Warfare

Once those shows are up I should have some new topics to discuss and be able to work another show.

If you want to be on the panel, you need to know NFW/EPW/A1E, and be on-line enough to answer 1-2 questions a day for 3-4 days...So let me know.

Now then...On to the main topic for today. Serendipity. What events have happened totally out of your control that have conspired to aid you in your career in E-Fedding...Here's 4 of mine, 2 for Doc, and 2 for The First.

--The former president of AAWC quits the company and hands it to Schmid, who just won the World Title...and now has to job it to me in order to appear unbias...That was my first World Title in this hobby...Total blind luck.

--Schmid screws Doc in a Godbooked job to Flic Rair. I lose my shit over this...Now you're thinking "Well that wasn't very positive for Doc" you're right...But the serendipity kicks in because Schmid's REAL plan was to get the belt off Doc and then job him via submission to Tom Adler in a WarGames...I can honestly say I have no idea how I'd have handled that besides throwing the most epic of shitfits and most likely quitting AAWC...And since by then I'd burned my CSWA bridge, I don't know what I would have done...Garbage Doc might not have even happened...

But as fate would have it, TW (Adler's handler) refused to put Adler in the WarGames. TW had his own axe to grind I'm sure with Schmid at the time, so he kept Adler "Retired" and Schmid, faced with replacing Adler with a manager for the WarGames, put Doc's team over.

--First is directionless and fresh off a job in EPW...I really hate where the character is at this point and don't really feel like Rp'ing for the next show...Barry T. posts "Felix is in for match, maybe a tag match" and next thing you know, The Forsaken are booked against the tag champions, who no show, and the Forsaken begin a year and change long run with the belts and really let me start figuring out how the hell to Rp the character.

--After losing at Wrestleverse III I really feel my mojo hurting...I'm trying to figure out exactly where I fit in the grand scheme of things as it comes to EPW...So I call out Copycat, since that seems logical enough...But even this match would be upper-mid card at best...But then insanity happens, Copycat refuses the match...Cruise doesn't want to fight Stevens...They challenge me to a tag match...I accept it without having a partner and then Stevens signs on to partner with First...So now I'm suddenly main eventing again in a huge match that The First ends up getting the pin...Just a really wacky turn of events that pushed The First to the fore as a big time player and big time face in EPW, I couldn't have planned any of it if I tried.

What crazy stuff has happened in your E-Fedding careers? When has fortune decided to smile upon you?

Monday, August 17, 2009

Pillar to Post Episode 1

(FADEIN: Green Machine on the set of "From Pillar to Post" he's wearing a brown suit jacket, white shirt, black tie, looking a bit like a goof. Behind him on the big screen TV's are Devin Millwood, Shawn Hart, Erik Black, and Brandon Jacobs.)

GREENIE: We got a lot to cover today, I'm joined by Devin Millwood from the EW Torch, Shawn Jessica Hart from far to many leagues to talk about, Erik Black from EPW, and Brandon Jacobs from WFW: NE...Question #1 goes to Mr. Millwood first..."Will Anthology contend for the EPW World Title?"

MILLWOOD: As long as Cruise is their de facto leader, and Stevens is champ: No. (Greenie awards 2 points) Cruise fears Stevens the way Rocky feared Clubber Lang, (Greenie awards 1 point) and unless Cruise and Wells are jogging together on a beach somewhere hugging in the water, Cruise is never gonna face that fear anytime soon. (Greenie awards 1 point)

GREENIE: Brandon, your take!

JACOBS: Copycat, Wells, and Edmunds have a long history together that dates back to the WWL. If they can harness that chemistry together and keep them collectively all on the same page, you could put General Custer in there and he would still lead that group to victory. (Greenie awards 1 point) Cruise has been on a roll lately winning both the WFW World Tag Title and the NEW Televion Title, (Greenie awards 1 point) it is only a matter of time before Stevens loses the title to Cruise. The Empire Pro World Heavyweight Title is his destiny. (Greenie awards 1 point)

GREENIE: Over to Mr. Black!

BLACK: ...huh? Oh right... my bad. Forgot where I was. Cam Cruise, right? Right... RIGHT...
Just to add to Mr. Jacobs' list there... Cruise is also the current EPW International Champion, and, let's not forget, the A1E World Heavyweight Champion. (Greenie awards 1 point) But is HE the guy we should expect to see overcome "TRIPLE X"? Honestly, I don't see it... because, regardless of WHO is at his back, SOMEBODY must ALWAYS be there before he can move forward. (Greenie awards 1 points) He can't succeed on his own, and if you really think the minds--or should I say, the EGOS--of guys like Tact and Edmunds and Wells are going to stay in check while HE gets all the glory... then man, you need to lay off the shwag! (Greenie awards 1 point) In MY humble opinion, the only hope the Anthology had to challenge the EPW World Heavyweight Title was with THAT man! (points to SJH) (Greenie awards 1 point) But now that he's out, well... take that for what it is.

GREENIE: Bring us home SJH...

SJH: Thank you very much, Mr. Black! It seems after all of our in-ring encounters, I've managed to knock some sense into you! I was ABSOLUTELY the SACK that held those Antho-testes together. (Greenie awards 1 point) My whole situation with them just goes to show that they'er whole operation is the epitome of dysfunction. After their intial burst out of the gate, those wankers are fading faster than Scottie Pippen's hair in the 80's! Hell, I'm not even the first nick in their armor! Remember Kin Hiroshi?! (Greenie awards 1 point) Whatever happened to him?! It's like this thing was crumbling before it even reached its apex. HOWEVER - with all that being said, and them being as WACK as they are, EPW's front against them is even WORSE! Despite their endless woes, they've driven 'Nark insane, halted the First in his tracks, and imposed their will onto the entire promotion! (Greenie awards 1 point) So yeah, they're busted... but they still manage to set the pace in Empire. So it's really only a matter of time before they get their hands into the world title picture too!

(Scoreboard Millwood 4, Black 4, SJH 3, Jacobs 3)

GREENIE: OK second question, who's going to challenge JTP for the NFW World Title? SJH you are up.

SJH: Short answer - NO ONE! I have my own sordid history with JTP, but even I have to concede the fact that he's been rocking out with his cockthing out and flushing every turd in his toilet! (Greenie awards 2 points) Ain't NOBODY in NF-Dub makin' that dude sweat. Will he hold the strap forever? No. But when he loses it, it won't be on his challenger's merits - it'll be because he's been SCREWED, set up, sent to rehab, or stricken down by the Lord God himself! (Greenie awards 1 point)

GREENIE: Erik, what say you?

BLACK: Okay, so get this....We get that plumber guy some boomers, right? Next thing you know, he's jumping down a pipe and fighting turtles and evil fungi to rescue princesses or some shit.(Greenie mutes Black -1 point)

GREENIE: Brandon, give me the good word...

JACOBS: American Panda. Pandas live the life of kings, they eat and sleep. He is going to crunch the Plumber like a piece of bamboo. (Greenie awards 2 points)

GREENIE: Mr. Millwood bats clean up here...

MILLWOOD: Pandas are already an endangered species, and they're gonna get extinct if they come within a hundred yards of JTP's shitter. (Greenie awards 2 points) Honestly, I'm not sure if anyone in NFW's ready for JTP at this point. There are a lot of guys with potential, but who might need a few matches before they're ready. Immediately I'd say Impulse comes to mind as someone who could possibly challenge, and eventually High Flyer's gonna get there. (Greenie awards 1 point) Castor Strife has a lot of physical gifts, but we'll have to see more out of him in singles matches first. Mayfield is a very game veteran, but seeing his first-ballot Hall of Fame chances get shattered by Joe inside of five minutes probably has him apprehensive. (Greenie awards 1 point) The only guy who could immediately threaten Joe's title is Nova, but Nova's gone. It might be six months to a year before we see Joe's true challenger emerge. Until then, Joe's title is safe in Mayfield's hands. Not sure what the hell Mayfield's actually doing with it......maybe shining it, wearing it in front of the mirror...who the hell knows. (Greenie awards 1 point)

(Scoreboard Millwood 9, SJH 6, Jacobs 5, Black 3)

GREENIE: OK, and Mr. Black will on point for question three...Who will be WFW: NE World Champion in 6 months?

BLACK: Man... now THAT'S a tough spliff to choke on...In my heart, I can only see FELIX RED filling those mighty big shoes of being a new generation of wrestling's UNIFIED champion.(Greenie awards 1 point) And I think the reason is because he's practically the ANTI-Champion... a man so immersed in his own universe, that he practically thinks and acts BEYOND the contemporary sport of professional wrestling. (Greenie awards 2 points) Challengers like Tact and the rest of the remnants of L.O.V.E. are all riding high on their reputations as WFW and NEW staples... but I wouldn't be surprised if they all eventually gassed out in the past year. (Greenie awards 2 points)
There's going to be a LOT of competition for that top spot, and I can only see a man with the mentality and goddamn KUNG FU MAGIC of Felix rising above that mayhem. But uh, you'd make a close second, Shawn... (flashes a grin to Hart) (Greenie awards 1 point)

GREENIE: Impressive commentary from Mr. Black...Brandon you got a tough act to follow...

JACOBS: I think it all depends on who wins the NEW Unification match. (Greenie awards 1 point) Shawn Hart is a former WFW World Heavyweight Champion and many say, either the greatest or second greatest champion we've ever had and I'd be hard pressed to disagree. When he gets the world title in his sights, if he really goes after it, I could see him beating Felix Red. (Greenie awards 2 points) Shawn Hart defeated Manson in a World Title defense in Chicago when everyone said Manson was going to win in his hometown. Felix Red is like the son Manson never had, but can he do what Manson couldn't? (Greenie awards 1 point) I just don't know.

GREENIE: Can Devin keep this thing rolling?

MILLWOOD: Assuming WFW: NE isn't insolvent in 6 months, I'd say Shawn Hart takes it. Felix is a great champion, but he needs to get the fire back in his eyes, the way it was a couple years ago. (Greenie awards 1 point) Hart on the other hand is a guy who's always been very successful, but his greatness is often understated. There's still another level he could take his career to, and I think he knows this. (Greenie awards 1 point) Winning that Unified title would be a great step in that direction, and I've never seen him more motivated in his entire career. Momentum is key, and right now Felix just does not have the type of momentum Shawn does. I've got a Hart-On, apparently...Shawn Hart all the way. (Greenie awards 1 point)

GREENIE: SJH you're the closer...

SJH: First of all, let me just say how ubtastically magnumerous it is that we're even here talking about WFW:NE. Both these joints had their moment as perhaps the ROCKINGEST thing rollin' around the business before they fell on hard times (Greenie awards 1 point)... so the the fact that they've gone Lazarus on all our asses, combined like Voltron, and REEMERGED with so much fanfare is marvelous like Maggie Gyllenhaal. As far as who the best bet to take the Unified Title is... look no further than the one name that has fallen on the lips of each and every one of my fellow panelists here! Shawn Jessica "Bubbles" Hart! (Greenie awards 1 point) Love me or hate me, I've been top-billin', world-title illin', killin' my comp like penicillin since day one! WFW Champ, NEW Champ... and in a couple'a weeks. UNIFIED WFW:NE Champ!! Can I get a hallelujah?! (Greenie awards 2 points)

(Scoreboard Millwood 12, SJH 10, Jacobs: 9, Black 9)

GREENIE: OK SJH, Buy or Sell Marcus Westscott as #1 contender in EPW.

SJH: Who cares. I'm selling the entire EPW roster as #1 contender. Mark my words, Christian Sands will return from the dead and get himself a title shot before BEASTcott does anything of note. (Greenie awards 2 points) This guy needs to remember who the FUNK he is before he can even DREAM of challenging Stevens.(Greenie awards 1 point)

GREENIE: Mr. Millwood, Buy or Sell time

MILLWOOD: Buy. I'm not the biggest Westcott fan in the world, but everyone else at the top of the chain has taken a bad loss or two as of late. (Greenie awards 1 point) Now that's not to say he has a better chance of beating Stevens than say, First or Hart; he doesn't, in my opinion. (Greenie awards 1 point) But if we're talking, statistically, who the number one contender is, well...he beat Anarky for that distinction, who by the way was on a tear before losing to Westcott. (Greenie awards 1 point) On the other hand, First has a recent loss to Cruise, and Hart just lost to First. Anarky's still a player, but he needs another win or two. (Greenie awards 1 point) Say what you want about Westcott, but he's a very game veteran who earned his title shot. Beyond that, if you ask me, I sell him as World Champion, and if he did win it I'd sell any more than a two month title reign. (Greenie awards 1 point)

GREENIE: Jacobs, what say you?

JACOBS: Sell, whether you like him or you don't, Beast made the best case against himself when he said to Wells that he had headlined more events than anyone in Empire and was the most dominant world champion ever. (Greenie awards 1 point) It is time to move Marcus Levesque out for someone new and fresh in the title scene. (Greenie 2 points)

GREENIE: Busting out borinator insults, always good! Mr. Black, finish it up!

BLACK: I'd SELL an eighth of a Westcott-Wowie for no more than twenty bucks. (Greenie awards 1 point) I mean, YEAH, he's a proven main event contender. You put him in the ring against ANYBODY, and he'll put up a tough, competitive match. But man, right now, all eyes are on guys like The First and Cruise. (Greenie awards 1 point) I know it's decriminalized up there past the border, but DAMN, that hammy stink of Canada is getting old. (Greenie awards 2 points)

GREENIE: Hatred of Canada, also awesome!

(Scoreboard Millwood 17 SJH 13 Black 13 Jacobs 12)

GREENIE: OK, let's go to Mr. Millwood for question 5, Buy or Sell Cameron Cruise as A1E World Champion.

MILLWOOD: Sell. Cameron Cruise should have a match with Troy Douglas' apathy to determine the undisputed A1E champion, 'cause we all know why Cruise got the title in the first place. (Greenie awards 1 point) I don't know if Douglas was tired of carrying it around or what, but it won't be a problem for Cruise 'cause he's only renting it. His first title defense was a draw...A DRAW! Who the F[BLEEP] draws on their first defense? Shouldn't that be the guy you steamroll? (Greenie awards 1 point) No, I'm selling that like a Thai pimp sells a kidnapped Russian teen. (Greenie awards 1 point) Cruise won't beat Gilikson, and if somehow he leaves Mercury Rising with the title, he'll just cough it up to the next guy lucky enough to get a title shot at Cameron Cruise. And will SOMEBODY, for the love of God, explain to me the difference between Anthology and the Highland Park Social Club? (Greenie awards 1 point) Is there something in the water that makes people just line up to be Cameron Cruise's man servant?

GREENIE: Jacobs, take it away!

JACOBS: Buy. Say what you will about Cruise, but the main event scene has been rather stale lately with the same people getting pushed over and over again, props to A1E for trying someone new on top. (Greenie awards 1 point) The story of Cameron Cruise is the "Little Engine That Could". (Greenie awards 2 points) He has plugged along for years and through his hard work has finally come over the mountain. It gives inspiration to all the other Cameron Cruises of the world to keep on trying instead of giving up. (Greenie awards 1 point)

GREENIE: Mr. Black you're on the spot now!

BLACK: ...huh? OH DUDE, sorry...Forgot where I was... again. THINKING ABOUT HIM kills braincells... And seeing him as the A1E World Heavyweight Champion? I dunno... given the state of the main event scene there in A1E right now, you'd think it was turning into Bizzarro-Empire Pro. (Greenie awards 1 point) It all goes back to what I said, and even what Millwood here said about there being practically no difference between the Anthology and the Highland Park Social Club (Greenie awards 1 point) without that posse to back him up, Cameron Cruise can't stand on his own two feet. Regardless of whether or not he does it on his own, the fact that he NEEDS them on his side just goes to show you how insecure he is. (Greenie awards 2 points) SELL THAT SHWAG.

SJH: Oy.... it KILLS me to do it, but how can I NOT buy?! Bumbling though he may be, the steak n' eggs of the situation is that the Booze Cruise currently holds not one, but FIVE titles!! (Greenie awards 2 pointds) He's the A1 Champ, the Empire Pro Intercontinental Champ, the CSWA Presidential Champ, the WFW:NE Television Champ, and one half of the WFW Tag Team Champs! (Greenie awards 1 point) I mean, I've always said that this joker gets by on sheer luck like half of the time, but even by that math, he's won 2 and a half titles on pure, unbridled talent!! (Greenie awards 1 point) Don't get me wrong, his ass face will inevitably be WIPED from the forefront of the industry, but for now... give the dog his due.

(Scoreboard Millwood 21 SJH 17 Black 17 Jacobs 16)

GREENIE: And SJH kicks off question 6...Buy or Sell Impulse as NFW TV Champion.

SJH: Buy... and I'm sickened and enraged and SICKENED WITH RAGE that you're wasting our time with softball questions!! When are we gonna get back on task and talk about something people care about, something SEXY, something SJH! My Hart-broken Phenom Fiends DEMAND (Greenie mutes SJH -1 point)

GREENIE: Mr. Black get us back on track.

BLACK: I'm kinda with Shawn on that one, but hey, let's talk Impulse...
Rocko The Otter This is the same guy that said in one of his promos that the ALTAR that is SLEEP is nothing more than a Black Sabbath cover band. Being the forefront stoner rock expert of professional wrestling, I can say with all honesty that saying something like that is downright BLASPHEMY, not to mention wholly untrue.
Yeah, Impulse has his mystique thing, and he's got some chops in the ring, and he's put a nice shiny belt with a lot of prestige around his waist in short time... but the way I see it, if he's got these simple facts in his head mixed up... what ELSE is he wrong about?
Or does he just make stupid assumptions on EVERYTHING?? (Greenies awards 1 point) I really don't know...I just know that sooner or later, being WRONG will bite you in the ass. SELL IT. And pinch a nug out of the bag, while you're at it.

GREENIE: Don't know that we really got in track there...But let's try Mr. Jacobs.

JACOBS: Buy, who am I to doubt Castor Strife's hardon? (Greenie awards 1 point) But seriously, he seems fine. There is nothing particularly wrong with him, he says the right things. I don't know if I like his ring name and I'd definitely like him to show some more personality. I'd like him to show some fire. (Greenie awards 1 point) Right now he is sort of like Data from the early seasons of Star Trek the Next Generation.

MILLWOOD: I thought the question was about Impulse? All I heard was something about Black Sabbath, Castor Strife's hard-on, and the black dude from Star Trek. Anyway, I'm going to buy. You wouldn't know it by listening to this panel, but Impulse is one of maybe three or four rising stars who are going to bring this industry to the next level. (Greenie awards 1 point) Technically, he's as sound as anyone. Outside the ring, his appeal is that he's NOT flashy. He's a regular dude with problems the same as anyone else, except I don't think I've ever been stalked by another man. (Greenie awards 2 points) Anyway, people like to see themselves in their heroes; the days of the Wunder God destroying all comers in his path as he fights for truth, justice, and the American way are over. (Greenie awards 1 point) It was an unattainable image, and I think in some ways we've even moved past the anti-hero. People want the anti-celebrity, and that's what Impulse is. (Greenie awards 1 point) Not to mention he's kicking dude's asses and will probably be a World Champion before it's all over.

(Scoreboard Millwood 26, Black 18, Jacobs 18, SJH 16)

GREENIE: And with that we gotta make the painful first cut...And so leaving our show is The Phenom SJH...Any final thoughts?

SJH: Vote for me in Russel David's VS. Tournament!! Dubbya-dubbya-dub dot EWTORCH dot (Greenie mutes him, his screen greys out)

GREENIE: So ends the man known as SJH. Then there were three...On to you Mr. Black...It's time for Out of Bounds...The big question...Is TEAM out of Steam?

BLACK: Man, I love TEAM, and I love everything it represents...And that's why it KILLS me to have to say YES, the federation IS running out of steam. (Greenie awards 1 point) Everybody had high hopes when they learned Troy Douglas would be taking the reigns from Jess Chapel when he got hit by hard financial times and was forced to bow out, but the harsh truth of the matter is that the TEAM machine was already beginning to slow by that point. Since ownership changed hands, we've languished through another Invitational Tournament bogged down by delays and no communication from the top... every year (Greenie awards 1 point) , they get the same controversial backlash from the internet wrestling community, (Greenie awards 1 point) and we see someone new taking the top place. TEAM's long-standing problem is that it's never had solid faces; every year, somebody would step up above the rest of the pack. Then they'd fade away over time, and as a result, TEAM didn't really know how to connect with its fans and keep them coming back. (Greenie awards 1 point) I wasn't too surprised to see Douglas drag it down even further, given how sketchy he is in his professional record. The man might want to be the next Dan Ryan, as in a successful wrestler turned successful businessman, but some people just don't have the mind for managing an entire federation...ESPECIALLY one with the prestige and expanse as TEAM. In the end, (Greenie awards 2 points) TEAM was like a nice, sweet bong hit...It damn well blew our HEADS OFF after that first drag... But when it started burning out, well... it just left us all with a bad taste in the mouth. (Greenie awards 1 point)

GREENIE: Over to you Mr. Jacobs for your take.

JACOBS: The jury is still out on TEAM, Douglas needs to take the league and shape it into his own. (Greenie awards 2 points) While the TEAM name may have brought people to the dance, to excel, you need to do your own thing instead of being beholden to the past. (Greenie awards 1 point) Conan O'Brien didn't try to be Letterman when he took over The Late Show. He took on that franchise and now that ginger haired boy is the host of the Tonight Show. (Greenie awards 2 points)

MILLWOOD: You know what the real tragedy of TEAM is? The workers never stopped putting out effort. It didn't HAVE TO run out of steam, but damn did it ever. (Greenie awards 1 point) There are some elements which were in place before Troy Douglas arrived that need to change, but I'd say it's time for Mr. Douglas to bow out gracefully. We all wanted to give him the benefit after the first couple of delays, but by now his slack has run out. (Greenie awards 1 point) The guy has been a disaster, period. Getting the shows running on time should be the EASIEST part of running TEAM. I always thought that motivating the talent, fixing some of the league's structural problems, etc, would be the difficult part of running this shindig, but apparently Troy Douglas managed to screw up the easy part. Bottom line: if TEAM were run by someone as motivated as the talent is, it would be a success. (Greenie awards 2 points)

GREENIE: And with that, we say goodbye to Mr. Jacobs (Greenie hits the button, greying out Jacobs screen)

(Showdown graphics, music)

GREENIE: Two men enter, one man wins the first ever Pillar to Post...Question 1 to Mr. Millwood, who wins a match between JTP and Sean Stevens?

MILLWOOD: No disrespect to Stevens, he's a beast, but I have to go with JTP. Right now, he's the number one pound for pounder in professional wrestling. I don't mean to sound like Craig Miles' mouthpiece, but Stevens was in NFW once upon a time and left with mixed results. JTP also owns recent wins over Kin Hiroshi and Nova, two men who I think are superior to anyone Stevens has faced as of late; JA isn't Nova on his best day, and Rocko Daymon hasn't been himself since returning. I don't care what the Wrestling Rag's rankings say; you know and I know that Stevens shouldn't be ranked ahead of JTP. They've got High Flyer at the 2 spot; Flyer's in NFW, and JTP would murder-death-kill him. JTP would send Level One to Basement Level 4b.

BLACK: Wow... JTP and "Triple X" Sean Stevens...I mean, you couldn't find another pair of EXACT opposites to put face to face. I mean, everybody knows the kind of man Stevens is: high-ridin', wheelin'-and-dealin', blah-blitty-doo-dah what have you... and Joe, well... I mean, come on, he's a PLUMBER!! And it's very likely that JTP may not even be of this world, but if you ask me... I think that's all he'll EVER be, is an exception that stepped up and proved himself over an entire wrestling community. He's set his name in stone for this time and place. But Sean Stevens... it's ALWAYS HIS time and HIS place. I don't care WHO you are. Just to refute some of Mr. Millwood's points... yeah, Stevens didn't last very long in NFW, for the same reason why some of the BEST names have never set FOOT in that federation: they just aren't comfortable with the way things are run there. People see JTP as the champion, and they think "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? What kind of CIRCUS are they running there to put a PLUMBER as champ?" As for, what... some guy named High Flyer being number two on some rankings sheet? That's a moot point. I bet I couldn't recall half the names I read off that list, and I have no idea where they get their data. But saying JTP's got credentials just because he beat KIN HIROSHI?! I mean, come on... if we're talking about leaving a federation with mixed results, then THERE'S the one guy I think of when you say that. I'll say that Joe the Plumber is an amazing talent, and could kick practically 99% of all the talent in today's industry... but "Triple X" Sean Stevens has been doing that HIS ENTIRE CAREER. Maybe JTP fell into some radioactive disinfectant goop while scrubbing toilets one day that gave him superpowers... he MIGHT have a chance then. Otherwise, sorry man... "Triple X" Sean Stevens is the KRYPTONITE! The GREEN DREAM! The MAUI WOWIE! And forever the sure bet.

GREENIE: It's close here, but who says a plumber can't be a world champion, Point Millwood! Black, your back is against the ropes, Question 2, Who wins FMLL Vs LVW!

BLACK: ...OH MAN. I just got this WILD mental image of that going down...With bowlers and surfers and Vikings tossing a bunch of midget luchadores around the ring...Complete and utter pandemonium. But who would win? Well, I'd say the strength in talent lies in Las Vegas. You've got some TOP contenders there, and they're all proven entertainers. But let's think about logically... everybody in LVW HATES each other. They couldn't POSSIBLY coexist on the same side, let alone in a league brawl against the luchadores. The talent from FMLL, on the other hand... almost EVERY SHOW, those guys are teaming up with each other. They know A LOT about team work, and what it means to unite forces against a common enemy. The Las Vegas wrecking crew can win MATCHES, but the luchadores... they win the ALL-OUT WARS. I give it to FMLL.

GREENIE: Devin with a chance to close it out, give it a go Mr. Millwood!

MILLWOOD: Umm...it's a well-known fact that Mexicans will work harder and for peanuts, so I'm thinking FMLL would get more bang for their buck. However, the boys in Vegas aren't exactly living on prime rib and caviar, either. My answer is: ask me after I've seen an FMLL show.

GREENIE: Black carries that one, only because I want to see a interfed brawl...Point to Black! Now then, the tie breaker...We will hopefully crowd a TiT Champion at some point...Who will it be? Mr. Black you're leading off.

BLACK: Well for once, I'm happy to say that there's a TiT with a couple of PAST winners involved! And if you look at the tournament in a historical aspect... that kind of experience has ALWAYS come out in someone's favor. I could easily see Nova and "The Eggo Mustard" making it to the finals... a great clash of past TiT winners. This is, of course, assuming that there won't be any more tournaments following this one... cause at the rate TEAM's going, I honestly don't expect there to be any. So the perfect send-off would be THESE two... bar none, THE most decorated individuals to ever walk into TEAM, and that's not even including their accomplishments in OTHER federations. But who wins? I'll go with Meathead on that one. I don't think it's any coincidence that Dan Ryan just waltzed right out of retirement and started kicking ass left and right again. He's back with a purpose, and he KNOWS he can get it. I didn't see focus and commitment like that since Randalls in the previous tournament, who went on to win the whole damn thing, because he knew from the very onset that he could and WOULD do it. "The Lego Bluster" Dan Ryan wins the 2009--and likely FINAL--TEAM Invitational Tournament, and, having once again proven that he IS a professional wrestling legend, I'd expect he'd quietly bow out of the sport again until another 40 virgins are sacrificed upon the Altar of RYAN.

GREENIE: Millwood with the match on the line!

MILLWOOD: Hey, if TiT actually gets to the point of commencement, WE ALL WIN. I'm picking Doc Silver, assuming he's not in a wheelchair living off Social Security by the time we get to the finals. Ryan's a legend, Nova's a legend, but you know what? Doc was a legend long before anyone even heard of these guys. If you look back at his career, he's got amazing luck in tournaments. The dude won Ultratitle as a rookie, for God's sake. The thing about Doc is, he doesn't even need to be good, he just needs to be smart. When has he ever walked in the ring and just plain kicked ass? My five year old cousin's made Doc bleed...I could make Doc bleed. Doc is not the Anderson Silva of pro-wrestling, and he's not a wrecking machine ala Dan Ryan. He is, though, an extremely wiley veteran who knows how to win, and he's been showing the world again why at the end of the day...somehow, someway...Doc wins.

GREENIE: Shameless promotion of Doc carries the day! Point and match Millwood. Face time for the EWTorch reporter!

(Black looks horrified, his screen greys out, the picture cuts to a full screen shot of Millwood)

MILLWOOD: You know, I was watching Wizard of Oz last night, and it got me thinking: how: Dorothy was a naive little cocktease. You've got this chick in a dress and pigtails waltzing through some magical forrest with three dudes...and you're telling me she DIDN'T get raped? OK maybe Scarecrow's an upstanding citizen and the Tinman couldn't get it up, but the Cowardly Lion was an animal! Why wouldn't an animal just take the sex by force? He could have easily beasted her in the woods when the other two weren't looking. Initially I thought they slipped her a roofie when she passed out in the field, but then the rest of them went to sleep also. In fact, now that I think about it, didn't she wake up at the end with three men at her bedside who looked like her dream sequence companions? It's obvious: they slipped her a roofie, and she went into this weird trip where she imagined her attackers to be fantastical creatures escorting her on a magical voyage through a kingdom of midgets. All this, as they raped her. Sorry, but it's true. I know, it sounds more like an NFW programming...but it's true.

GREENIE: You've just ruined a timeless classic...Well you or Tim Burton...Well we'll be back next time, with more hard hitting topics...See you all then for more Pillar to Post!

(All 4 screens turn back on and all 4 pundits begin shouting and talking over each other as Greenie looks on horrified...FADEOUT)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


I've been reading the face/heel discussions on the forums of ewtorch.com and I was thinking about what everyone was saying. And while everyone had good points, I think one major thing has been overlooked. Today I'll talk about heels.

The key for a heel to be a heel is that the character has to have a reason to hate the crowd. It's one thing to hate a face and have a personal issue with them, and for you to be seen as being 'in the wrong' in the eyes of the masses, but that feud will end, and after it's all said and done, you need to have more then just that, you need to have a justification for why the crowd is beneath you, why you willingly embrace their scorn and hatred. You have to be able to answer the question "Why is this guy such a dick". A heel has to have a reason to think he's 'above' or 'better' then the crowd. Cause people on the whole, want to be cheered, why does your character not want that? Why does he embrace being hated?

You have the rich heel, who's a success, and he looks down on you cause you're not. He's better then you because he made it and you're just a peon. The crowd hates the guy because he is dismissive, aloof, insulting. Currently "Triple X" Sean Stevens is that kind of a heel, with his custom made suits, 5 figure sunglasses, and all the rest.

You have the scumbag heel who offends people because he has no morals, no sense of honor, and yet he flips that around, he credits his depraved outlook on life as being what makes him a winner, and the fans who are bound to their foolish idealism about good and evil, they are wrong, and the results of the heel prove he's right. The crowd hates them because they are cowards, who are not shamed by the levels they stoop to win. Doc Silver was this kind of heel.

Finally there are the moral scolds, who declare that their way of life is superior then the crowd's. The crowd hates these people because they talk down to them, insulting their lifestyle and degrading the choices they've made in life. Born Again in LVW is one of these heels. CM Punk replaces religion with the Straight Edge lifestyle on Smackdown for this gimmick.

Smarks tend to gravitate towards heels instead of faces, but don't let that natural bias cloud your mindset, as I said in my post before, most people treat the non-existent crowds in E-Fedding like an on/off switch and you just set your character to 'Heel' and he's boo'ed out of the arena every night. But why? What makes the crowd hate him so much? Justify your heat and it'll make your character easier to write and develop.

Now get out there and piss some people off.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

What-If Booking part 1

This is a new segment I'll be writing now and again, it's kind of like the comics where they alter an event in the past to see what the future would be like with said altering having happened.

Today's What-if, what if Sean Stevens had beaten JA at Agg 43?

At Agg 43, JA basically beat Stevens silly, had him pinned for a 10 count, and Stevens walked away from the match, losing by count-out, then Rocko Daymon appeared out of nowhere and a giant fight broke out between the three men leading to the main event at Wrestleverse where Stevens retained by winning clean over JA at the end of the elimination match.

But let's say Stevens beat JA clean at Agg 43...What happens then? Wrestleverse III was a sort of "Enemies of the past confront Stevens" feel to it...With JA gone, does Rocko coming back merit a straight up title match between the two?

I'd say no, but Rocko still has to be invovled in the main event scene. So let's go back to the start of Agg 43. The First came out and wanted a re-match with Stevens because First kicked Stevens ass at Agg 42. Then Cameron Cruise, who just won the IC Title at Agg 42, comes out and tells First to drop dead, that he should get a world title shot. Then Cruise and Jared Wells beat The First up.

So the Wrestleverse main event gets rebooked as Cameron Cruise Vs The First Vs Sean Stevens in an elimination match for the EPW World Title, with special guest ref Rocko Daymon. The match progresses for a while, until First has Cruise and Stevens down, but then Copycat runs out as a distraction, and First ends up getting pinned by Cruise. Now we're down to Stevens Vs Cruise, with Stevens and Rocko's issues boiling over, till finally they go to blows and then Cruise swoops in for a roll up and gets an assist from a fast count from Daymon to steal the World Title.

Anthology now stands on top of the mountain as Cruise is World Champion, building towards his match with Marcus Westscott at the next PPV, Rocko Daymon and Sean Stevens have to settle their issues in some brutal stipulation match. Copycat and The First roll through their brackets in the tournament for the vacant IC Title and are set to meet in the finals to crown the new champion. Stalker and Fusenhoff are dragged into the Anti-Anthology war as they chase Tact and Wells tag titles...

I think this all could have happened if one match had gone another way. Does it sound plausable, to outlandish? Let me know.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

A quick thing about A1E

I'm glad Jarrett and the BC let me back in the league, I know everyone was given a heads up about what a jerk I was years ago, and I accept full blame for all of it, I vote rigged, I was a piece of shit. That's about all there is to it. I'm joined A1E because Billy said he was bringing in Castor and so I decided that I might as well hang out with him there. I wish I had a bigger, grander speech about this, but I don't. So thanks to A1E for letting me be back and I'll not cause problems.

NOTE: I'm so tired I nearly posted this as "A quick thing about A1W". Man that would have been awful.

FINAL NOTE: A1E taking me back means I'll be back in CSWA in about 2 years time...Which may or may not be when their next card is.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Around The Horn Talent Needed

I want to run a monthly "Around The Horn" style column/blog post/whatever. Either on the blog or on EWtorch. If you've never seen Around The Horn, it's 4 people arguing the events of the day with a moderator scoring them based on how well they argue.

The first show would be EPW/NFW/A1E centric, as time moves on, I'd try to get more in tune with the PTC and PRIME stuff so we can have shows on them.

I'd like to do the show in a live chat, which is always tough getting 5 people's schedules cleared for a night, but if it's at all possible, I'd like to do that, failing that we can play E-mail tag with the questions and answers and then have the moderator score the comments.

So if you are interested, either IM me (War on Eurasia) PM me (The Great Eye) or reply here, let me know what character you're using and what days you're free for a chat session, and if you want to be a pundit or the scorer.

Current talent

Shawn Hart
Devin Millwood
Green Machine (Pundit/Scorer depending on what we get.)

Monday, August 3, 2009

EPW Roster Face/Heel

After my failed attempt at getting questions, back to the Face/Heel topic...Billy had two good posts on ewtorch about this, hunt down that site and check it out.

Group 1- Babyfaces

The First
Shawn Hart
Olvir Arsvinnar

What a mixed bag we got here. Shawn Hart just face turned and he's a wacky, silly guy. He's off beat and lives for hi-jinx and crazyness. The Hart character is like Chris Jericho/Edge when they were silly, light hearted faces.

Olvir's just a crazy cartoon character, the larger then life giant who's going to kick ass and then drag a girl out of the crowd and have his way with her. He's campy, and over-the-top. He's like Val Venis but instead of trying to be cool about it, he embraces his outlandishness.

The First is funny to me, because I feel like he sort of can't believe how over he is, so really he doesn't know exactly how to play the part of being a big time face. He knows who he is (Or at least who he believes himself to be) but for the first time he's kind of out of his element, he'll shake hands and kiss babies, cause that's what faces do, right? Right?

Group 2 anti heros

Rocko Daymon

Fusenhoff has taken a turn for the worse in his 'enslavement' to Stalker. But he's still a guy supported by the crowd in spite of his bleak outlook on the world.

Daymon is also one who's gotten darker and more grim, but he's still a sympathetic character who the masses support.

Group 3 Tweeners leaning face

Marcus Westscott

Anarky and Westscott both fall into this catagory because they are fighting with Anthology (And in Westscott's case, Stevens also) , the heel monolith of EPW. Fighting them pretty much makes their opponent a face by default, not that either of these guys give a damn about the crowd.

Group 4 Badass heels

Sean Stevens
Layne Winters

Stevens lays down challenges and won Wrestleverse III clean...Then after Wrestleverse he even tagged with The First to beat up Anthology. Thankfully he heeled it up a bit in that match or rlse he'd have started treading towards faceland...That and the fact that on the last card he got his team DQ'ed and fought with Westscott keep him solidly a heel.

Winters had been caught in the pull of the Anthology monolith, but with his backstage confrontations with The First and taking the EPW TV Title off Fusenhoff, Winters is clearly a heel.

Group 5 Chickenshit Heels


Anthology are clearly the group with the most impact on EPW, they pretty much force anyone who fights them for any prolonged period of time to become a face of some kind. They cheat, are dirtbags and scum, and generally do just about anything a gang of cowardly thugs should do to gain power.

Stalker is an absolute scumbag, he cost Rocko Daymon the World Title by injury, he enslaved Fusenhoff, he's a henchman for Sean Stevens when it's needed. And when it came time for him to get his just due from Daymon, he hid behind a restraining order...Stalker may be the most horrible person in EPW and that's saying something.